Things on my Mind

I'm slightly more relaxed than I was last week. I turned in my Bar Exam application yesterday, which definitely relieved some pressure from my mind, but I feel a little bit on some precipice. I have that feeling that something is going to happen once I get to the UK. Something good I am hoping, especially since I'm still a little wary of traveling with my non-cultural-sight-seeing cousin. I think it will be good though, that precipice feeling makes me feel like I'm going to fall...but like I'll have something good to catch me, that I'll enjoy the ride down (weird, since I am not a girl who would ever go cliff-diving or bungee-jumping).

I'm a little restless. I shaved myself clean the other day--and I've had wet panties ever since (it has been a bit since I'd shaved), and that's making me horny.

I'm also feeling a little more at peace with the whole Naughty thing. I'm 50/50 about whether I feel like their has been some closure of the whole thing. It was so fast it still seems unreal, but his parting words were also pretty final. Stupid, nonsense, I'm-a-grown-up-and-this-seems-like-such-a-caring-and-sensitive-thing-to-say. It wasn't, it was just cruel that he wished me well after getting worked up about me being mad about the whole thing (yeah, he got snippy at one point--what the hell right did HE have to be snippy?!). I'm just at the point where I realize I need someone who would have fought for me. I mean, he didn't fight at all. I at least tried to fight as best I could, I tried to let it be known what would be the ideal for me, that I wanted him around. I compiled my thoughts, I told him that he would be wrong to do what he did...but that wasn't good enough.

Can ya tell I've been thinking about this enough? I'm boring the crap out of most of you. Hell, I'm boring the crap out of me.

Another thing I have been thinking about is this (watch out this is super depressing and disgusting, humanely): http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29719277/

It's about rape in the Congo, in war-torn countries in Africa, in general really. These are the things that make me shy away from rape fantasies big time. I always think that I have no business entertaining the fantasy (even though, my rape fantasies are admittedly mild) when it is happening so cruelly to others. I think this coincided with the Pope's visit to Cameroon this week, where he said that condoms are not the answer to stopping the spread of AIDS. He drove home Pope John Paul II's idea that abstinence is the best way to prevent the spread.

Can I just say...

WELL, DUHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

This is the stuff I hate about the Catholic Church. That is the most obvious and simple answer to everything about sex. Yes, abstinence is the best way to prevent the spread of disease and extra-marital pregnancy (if that is what you're going for).

Too bad that isn't the real world!!! I don't think all Catholics live in that world (although my Harvard-educated cousin did not realize that oral sex can spread disease until she was 22, and she's Catholic, so clearly something was lacking in sex education), but it seems like the Pope and all his cronies really do. They only spout Catholic doctrine, they don't try and look at the world and see how their morals and ethics can realistically apply to it. Reaching for the ideal is great and everything, but that isn't the best way to create change.

All this is on my mind pre-Spring Break, which I am so ready for. I have to pack and clean my house tonight, and finish breaking in these brand new shoes that I'm bringing with.

And, of course, get off as many times as possible before I leave on Thursday so I am not climbing the shared walls of my hotel room. Oy.