First, my apologies to those I haven't written back to in awhile, I've been in a really awful pen-pal mode. I'll get you soon I promise, as soon as my Ethics Exam is done this weekend. :-)
Now...we all know that my dear friend Ingrid and I don't see completely eye-to-eye on her relationship with her kinda-sorta-but-we-can't-call-him-that boyfriend. He's done some other stupid stuff, but he is very, very (VERY) slowly making progress to stop lying about inconsequential stuff. I've removed myself from sort of getting in the middle of things, happily, and I'm just letting them deal with it.
Today though, Ingrid and I were out at lunch (having amazing burgers from this great little hole-in-the-wall) and she sort of randomly said, "How many would be too many for you?" At first I didn't know what she was talking about, but then I figured out she was talking about how many SEX partners would make me uncomfortable, for my mate to have slept with. It's one of her "issues" in terms of dating someone. She likes guys with a smaller number generally, and she just found out that her boyfriend has slept with 23 women. About 20 of those have been in the last 7 years. To me, that doesn't seem like an excessive amount. To her? That is at least 3 too many. She has only been with about 5 guys, including him.
She asked me what my limit on that was, but I'm not sure I have one. I mean, it isn't something that is overly important to me. In fact, I'd probably prefer that he had slept with 100 one-night-stands than that he slept with 10 that were really, really important to him. That was one of her comments, she wants to be "The most special." Now, I don't find the number of women a guy has slept with to be mutually exclusive of me being the number one in his life. My best friend, Paige's, husband had slept with more than 100 (and 99% were one-night-stands) and she had only slept with four, including him. She didn't love it at first so much, and was a little nervous about it for a few days, but mostly that was more "Am I going to be any good in bed if he's slept with that many?" than anything else. Ingrid thinks that her guy having slept with 20+ means he has no respect for the sexual act. She is such a contradiction to me sometimes. She's at least as much of a nympho as I am, and loves sex, but she definitely has some very traditional sensibilities. Her ideal number that her future husband had slept with? Within probably three or four of her. Definitely no more than 10 total. She said she does get that guys are a bit different than girls in that type of thing (which I don't believe is quite as true anymore, but I think it is still somewhat true), but still wants someone who hasn't slept really into the double-digits.
Anyone else think this? I just don't proscribe so much to whether or not my mate has slept with a lot of people, as long as I am the ONLY one he is sleeping with when he finds me. I DO expect to be the most special person he has EVER slept with (now THERE was a problem with Naughty) and for him to never want to sleep with another person again (of course this is for my ultimate husband--I best have my glittery fairy pussy for my husband, that's a romance term for once he meets and falls for me he can't even think seriously about sleeping with another person), but do i think that is at all connected to how many he has slept with before? Nah.
Fill me in. Anyone else want someone who is more experienced, definitely NOT more experienced, less experienced, than they are? I don't want a virgin, I want to be the only virgin going there, so I defintiely want someone at least somewhat more experienced that I am.
Tell me, tell me, tell me. And tell me why! :-)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
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6 comments:
Great topic. I am a 43 year old man who is proud of the fact that I only had sex with women I really liked. So by the time I was 28 - when I got married - I had been with four women, including the woman I was about to marry.
She has been with one before me, perhaps two (she was ambiguous when she discussed it - no matter) but neither of us are prudes. It's just that we both kind of feel the same way, that sex isn't something to be given away to just anyone.
And I guess that is part of why we're together - mutual sensibilities and morals. It's different for everyone, and I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer on this one.
Rae,
I do think Ingrid is off a bit, but that's another subject.
As for me, I enjoy the aspect that I can be a teacher, have someone to play with, work with, and help to grow sexually.
Early in my life, my exploits with women grew and I became a well involved lover.
I've had sex with nearly 150 women, and only about half those were 1 or 2 night stands. I get into them.
Lately, my exploits have been involved with younger women, as again, I love their exuberance, their openness, and passions. I love to teach, grow with them, open them up to new things. I love how eager they are.
I've been with 4 virgins, and they have been great relationships, but I like a bit more experience now. I want someone that has the taste, pardon any puns, and wants to explore more.
This is what I like, what I'm good at, what my lovers tell me they like about me, why they want to keep me around, and are very appreciative of the results. This is what satisfies me, almost more than the act itself.
Also, I may have had many lovers, but only a few times were there more than one at a time. I focus on their needs, pleasures, and how hey please me too. When I'm with a lover, I'm into them, only them. That's what they want, that's what they get.
Well, I have been sexually active since I was 19 and I'm 27 now. In that time I've slept with over 23 people - men and women. I do consider that number fairly high in general, but I know it's not an odd number for someone who loves sex as much as I do and is probably a bit slutty :)
I'm with you in that the previous numbers are irrelevant. My thoughts are "who do you want now" If that's me, then it doesn't matter how many preceded me.
Wally--thanks for sharing, and welcome. I agree, shared values on such things is definitely important. I mean, there aren't many guys who can judge me on my actions in that regard, but as it isn't something particularly important to me, then I don't expect it to be overly important to them either. As long as it is only ME he wants to be with for the remainder, that's good enough for me.
Clem--Yeah, Ingrid is a bit off, but I digress. I think it's great that you are all for being a teacher, you know if I ever change my mind about WHO I want my teacher to be, I'll let you know. :-) You do make a good case for yourself!
May--I don't think that's slutty at all! Maybe it's because I look at it as an average of 4 per year, but hey whatever makes you happy is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. :-)
Riff--So right and so succinct! It's true, it's about the now. As long as they aren't bringing any diseases or feelings for the past ones in, and that I'm the only one they want to be with from that point, then the number doesn't matter much. ;-)
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