Mad Mad Virginity

I had to laugh the other day, one of the first days that I laughed after the whole Naughty business went down, when The Naughty One asked me if she could ask me a personal question. She and I haven't actually met in person, and frankly I can talk about pretty much any and everything, and yet we are always unfailingly polite in making sure that the other person knows when a doozy of a question is coming. This one wasn't actually that much of a doozy, but it was still nice of her to warn me.

I must have been giving off some crazy or desperate or something vibes, because her question was, "Are you a virgin by choice or just from lack of opportunity?" I seriously did laugh, because when you expect a horribly painful question and get one that you are pretty comfortable with you get that giddy relief. I laughed again a few days ago when I got an email from someone who asked if I was still a virgin since I talked about sex with Naughty so much. He just wanted to clarify that I was talking about cyber-sex and not real sex. He even congratulated me on losing it as a precaution! That was kinda cute, I admit. I wrote him back and said no, my virginity is still intact (even if my sex toys broke my hymen years ago).

Firstly, two years ago I would have said that I am a virgin mostly from lack of opportunity. I still am fairly inexperienced in the dating scene, we all know that I haven't given a blow job, or been eaten out, or really done anything beyond the kissing and minor breast (outside the clothes) groping in the sexual realm (at least not with another person! Heehee). I will admit that I am picky, because I have had a few opportunities that I just didn't take and didn't want to take for any number of reasons.

Now though, I would probably put myself more into the camp of virgin by choice. I was probably more virgin by choice than I recognized back then anyway, but between self-consciousness and general insecurity I felt more like it was lack of opportunity. My blog also helped in this regard, because my self-esteem has increased exponentially in the last year and a half. It's been in a drought for the last month, but it's slowly coming back.

I will give props (and it kills me to do this at the moment) to Naughty, as well as to Phone Sex Guy from last year (remember him? Check out December 2007 archives if you don't), for making me recognize that 1) I'm kind of a traditional girl at heart when it comes to my virginity, not a full on wait-for-marriage-itself type, but I could see myself waiting for engagement, and 2) I value my virginity like a damned Regency heroine!

Now, the last thing might be a little melodramatic, but I do sort of prize my virginity in a way. I'm the last girl I know (or at least that I know well) who still has her virginity, and I don't really see myself losing it anytime soon, because I'm a lot more comfortable waiting for the right guy on that end of things. I thought Naughty was going to be that guy...but we all know how that went (badly, for those of you just tuning in).

I do like feeling desired, and I have had a number of emails that have helped greatly in that regard. Even if they don't know what I look like, and are imagining Heidi Klum instead (which means they clearly haven't been reading this blog very long if they could imagine Heidi Klum--I'm way too short for that *wink*), I still like it.

So, the virginity stays intact, and all the other inexperience along with it, but that's pretty okay with me. I'd rather concentrate on me, and being the best me I can be (cheesiness alert!), than worrying all the time about when I'm going to be losing my virginity. I might value it, but it isn't so important that I'm going to concentrate on it everyday until it's gone. For now, I'll just hone my imagination and imagining all those delightful blow jobs and cum sessions that I will bestow on some lucky fellow. ;-)