My 100th Post - Auld Lang Syne

That really wasn't much fun. The actual 100th post follows (which I wrote while feeling pretty good last night), but I thought I would update all of you thoughtful people who have been so nice to email me and comment on my stresses this week.

I'm not crying...much. Okay, I wasn't, until I got home and saw a nice ecard from Ed and a nice comment from Names, and it made the emotions bubble up because they were both really sweet. I feel so girly when I cry, but I'm still sticking to the "It's my body and I get to freak as much as I want". The procedure wasn't terrible, although I smell like vinegar because they swab you with that--gross. The doctor was nice, and said it could have just been a screw up at the lab, but then when she looked said, "Huh, well I am definitely seeing these changes that would be from HPV. I can't imagine how you got that." So she did do the biopsies, which were the part that hurt (note: having your cervix scraped? Not that fun), and I'm going in for the follow up next week and getting the Gardisil vaccine. She said the same thing someone else had mentioned that hand to genital contact can give it to you too--and in response, I said, "No one's hand but my own."

Thanks everyone for dealing with me while I freak. I probably still will for the next few days. Now I'm going to eat cookies (couldn't find any chocolate I wanted--I know, shocking) and drink champagne, and probably eat macaroni & cheese. But first I'm taking a bath.
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I would love to be one of those people who can remember the entire year, but frankly, school ends up as a blur most of the time, so the time of January to May is pretty much forgotten in its entirety.

It was definitely a year of change though. Probably more like a year and a half of change, because my life changed most dramatically when I started law school, so I finished up that first (and supposedly toughest year) and saw my best friend of nearly 10 years get married despite all her protests during college that she would never do so.

So it wasn’t just me that made changes, it was my best friend (who is sublimely happy, and less…restless, I suppose is the right word), and my brother who apparently grew up, somewhat, and had a baby. It’s weird being an aunt frankly, and a bit scary. Now there is someone that may rely on me at some point in his life, and I feel bad that I don’t live close enough to watch him grow up.

But I guess you, my dear readers, don’t necessarily want to hear about the people you don’t know. So, how did I change? Well, I didn’t make those changes that I have always considered most important, to me, meaning that I didn’t change my physical appearance or lose much weight over the year (not for lack of trying). I think I’m happier though. For as long as I can remember I’ve been frustrated with myself in a lot of ways. Namely, I’ve been frustrated with my status as a “virgin,” and the stigma that others put on me, and the stigma I put on myself too. I’ve been frustrated that I can’t do what my mom always wants me to be able to do: lose weight miraculously by simply saying, “I’m going to change this,” and then doing so. My mom has an uncanny ability to do this, which is something I just did not inherit from her.

This year, however, I accepted my virgin-status in a lot of ways. It still grates occasionally, but blogging about my frustration with it has led me to at least think aloud about what it is that I don’t like about it—the insecurity factor. Just blogging about all of my insecurities helps me tremendously to accept them further. I’m happiest I think I’ve EVER been with my body. I’m still not hugging it and saying, “I’m so perfect,” but for the first time in years I wasn’t depressed for the month of October (no idea why it’s October, I really like October actually) because of my weight. I’ve even considered how I can join the YMCA downtown next semester and maybe tone myself up, because frankly that is what I most want to do. And I know I could blog about it, and get support from people (without really having to deal with you all in real life—hate working out with people) for it.

A review: I started reading blogs (Shay’s S Spot, What My Friends Don’t Know…, and Argumentum ad Insanium, to name the main three) just seven months ago and fell in love with the whole blogging community. This has been superbly therapeutic for me, for a girl who doesn’t love to express her emotions (excessively) everyday. Knowing that I’m not the oldest virgin on the planet (*grins*), knowing that there are other people out there with the same hang-ups and insecurities who are also willing to put themselves out there and ask for support, it has been great for me.

And more than anything, knowing there are women out there who are BBWs and just as sexual as I am is such a relief. I have been unfortunate to not be well accepted by the male community in my regular life, and here I feel so accepted, respected, and like I have some sort of sexual power that I know it’s transferring into my daily life as well. I’m more comfortable, even when I’m schlubbing in sweats and my glasses, and I carry myself more confidently.

Sexually I learned to squirt (yay!), learned to be comfortable enough to take naked pictures of myself, and I even keep my privates more hairless than I keep my legs on a regular basis (something to work on in the new year), and took two “lovers” (thank you CSG and PSG). :-) I’ve felt more desired than ever before in my life, and I don’t think that would have happened without taking a chance at blogging.

Sure, certain things still bother me, and I’ll never be 100% comfortable with my body the way it is right now (hence the thought of joining the YMCA), but I’m okay with working on it. I’m okay with changing a little slower than I would like. I’ve always been fairly confident actually, or at least do a surprisingly good job of portraying myself as such, but I think I’ve become more so. I’m just happier with myself. Thanks everyone for helping me get there! Here’s to a great New Year!

Love,

Rae

Just Not My Week

Well, now I'm actually, truly sick. Both my dad and I are congested, have sore throats, and are coughing like crazy. I'm surprised my mom hasn't moved to a hotel for the night.

I've been researching this HPV thing for the last two days, trying to figure out what the hell has been going on or what could possibly be fucking up my body. I just received the information from my OB/GYN (thank god I don't need the OB of that), which of course fails to say anything about getting HPV from non-sexual transmission. Great, that's helpful. Online it has said that there is a possibility, but it's pretty damned rare. In fact, from what I've seen there aren't any documented cases of it (I'm thinking, if I'm a medical mystery--maybe I can get some cash out of the deal? Pay for law school? Just trying to look on the bright side here). I have some ideas that I'm going to run by the doctor on Monday (fuck the embarrassment factor of talking about my masturbation habits of the last few weeks). I'm feeling better about everything, not quite so melodramatic, but as my blogger-buddy Ed said, it's my body, so I can get as freaked as I want.

So, since my New Years Eve is fucked up, I'm thinking I might just grab a bottle of champagne, drink it by myself (I do so love champagne). Maybe you will all get a drunk blog! Yes!

Thanks to everyone who has commented and emailed, it meant a lot to me that you all care that much. Especially to Ed and CSG, who were both super-supportive over the last couple of days during my biggest freak outs. Ed has been emailing me back and forth and trying to calm my worries and being a sounding board for what I think could be possible reasons for test results like I got, and CSG was a total sweetie when we chatted. He knew I was feeling off just from my responses being considerably less enthusiastic than normal. We talked about my worries and his hope that everything turns out okay for me for a long time...and then he magically turned me on (which I didn't think would be happening frankly because I was still so morose) and gave me four orgasms. :-) Couldn't leave you all hanging.

Next post is my 100th! Can't believe it. I'm off to make rice pudding (yummy) for dessert after my mom was so good to my dad and me and took care of us all day and made us homemade chicken noodle soup (so much better than canned) for dinner.

My Vagina Hates Me...

I learned a few things while I was away in Arizona for Christmas...no my vagina hating me was not one of those things. Well, not really. At least, it wasn't something new that I learned.

• My nephew, despite his excessive farting, burping like a trucker, and the unbelievable amount of snot bubbles he managed to produce while we were there (he got sick just before we got there--no fun for a baby), is easily the cutest thing ON EARTH. Looks exactly like my brother did at that age (from what I can tell of pictures), and is so damned handsome I know he'll be fighting the girlies off with a stick. Hell, he brought out my maternal instincts (which also made me realize I am SO not ready to be a parent), until he started producing the snot bubbles of course.
• Christmas just is not the same without snow. Or at the very least without dead and excessively amounts of the coniferous varieties of trees. It looks funny when people decorate in Arizona--like it's actually summer and they were too lazy to take down the decorations.
• Still don't like flying that much. This is odd, because I have averaged around 10,000 miles of trips every year for the last three years.
• My brother is more affectionate after having a baby. He barely bugged me (meanly) while I was there. And actually gave me a hug at a point where it wasn't expected. We hugged each day we saw each other and when we left at night, but then in the middle of the day after Christmas he came up to me in the kitchen and gave me a one-armed hug and said, "Merry Christmas, Rae." I nearly cried.

Warning: for those of you (particularly men I have found) not entirely comfortable with discussions of the female reproductive organ in its general biological, and non-sexual (sort of) sense, you may want to stop reading. There will be minor discussions of menstrual cycles, cervices, and the like. I know my loyal readers will continue, but for those only casual readers...this may get a bit squiggy.

I had some...news, today. Not necessarily bad (yet), not good as far as I'm concerned. Just...disruptive, I guess. A mini-history: generally, women go to the gynecologist the first time they have sex, or else sometime before they turn 21. That's the recommended. I went when I was 18 (clearly, had not had sex--natch), because I hadn't gotten my period in about six months. That isn't normal. The gyno did her thing, it wasn't even that unpleasant overall, we had a good laugh when she asked if I was sure I wasn't pregnant and I said it would have to be immaculate conception for that to happen. No biggie. I've been on birth control ever since. I didn't go back again until the BC I was on fucked around on me (haha, no pun intended actually) and I started getting the most awful nausea from it. Switch it up, the next stuff is too putzy (everyday, EXACT SAME TIME--as close to the minute as possible), so I don't use it. And shocker! I don't get my period for eight months. Switch BC again. Love it, Ortho-Evra is my friend.

I go in for my check-up last Friday, get in, get out, I'm happy as a little clam (albeit a very, very lubricated one). No problem. Today I get a call. My doctor's office doesn't call unless there is a problem. You get a recorded message about your results about three weeks after your Pap. I get a call. Fuck. The nurse says there has been some "low-grade changes" in my Pap and I need to call back. I do, they answer, they say the changes would only be caused by HPV...um, how? Oh, wait, they need to call me back because there is a call coming in from Brazil.

Hello?! Leave me hanging much?! You ask if I know about HPV and then say, "Hold on let me call you back." What is wrong with you?! Needless to say, I'm tripping about this for the next forty minutes as I try to get a hold of them again (after a minor bout of phone tag). I'm literally crying, bordering on hysterics, because I don't know what the fuck is going on. I finally get them on the phone, teary-eyed, trying to control myself from breaking down into sobs, and she says, "HPV is blah, blah, blah...only caused by genital-to-genital touching."

Hold that phone. Are you looking at my chart? See that portion where it says, "Never had sex"? Still true. She asks if I've ever had ANY genital-to-genital contact. Um, big old "No!" She says, "Huh, I can't imagine how you got this." The woman needed a little training course on personal relations. She reassures me that HPV is not a health-risk when it's caught early, it's actually more of a "nuisance" than anything. It shouldn't effect my ability to have sex in the future, or to have children. I know I am sort of "known" around here for the title of being "Always On" (i.e., always turned on, or at least very quickly turned on if I'm not), but if that conversation doesn't dry a girl up like a prune I don't know what else could. Because that is sure as hell what happened to me.

So, am I fucked before I even get to HAVE sex? Are you shitting me? Where does that work out? I'm trying to stay calm, and trying to tell myself that this shitty-ass procedure (colposcopy) I now need to have on Monday (which, btw, they recommend I take FOUR Advil before--that doesn't sound good), which probably means they are going to snip off a bit of my cervix to test, is just going to show that they fucked up the first time, but fuck if I'm not scared shitless right now. HPV can cause cervical cancer, and I'm already worried enough as it is with my stupid-ass missed periods that something is wrong with my fertility, and I don't need this on top of it.

Genital warts is apparently the most prevalent kind of HPV, and doesn't that sound like fun?

I'm so freaked right now. I'm really trying not to be, and I don't generally get that scared, but god damn it, I'm scared right now.

I had a Dildo in my Ass yesterday...

I have seriously been waiting to write that title for hours. Actually a little more than 24 hours. In fact, right about the time I was taking the dildo out of my ass I was waiting to write that title. After Virgin's mishap with a non-anal-specific vibrator I was not feeling particularly friendly towards the idea of using a dildo that wasn't made to be there (which sounds weird in the first place doesn't it? That something was made to be stuck up my ass...or anyone's?).

So, how did this come about? I was talking to CSG (natch) yesterday (longest chat we've ever had--close to three hours) and I had just cleaned up my pussy area (I let it go during finals/visit from Aunt Flo) by removing everything in the area. Now, this procedure automatically makes me feel five times sexier, so as I was already damned turned on thinking that there was a good possibility I would be speaking to CSG after my shower I was pretty fucking turned-on. Somehow I have caught him unawares the last two times we've talked, so his fantasies haven't been quite as detailed as they usually are. Considering that (not counting today) in the last two days I have had the four best orgasms of my life, clearly this has not affected me negatively while hearing the "stories." I was laid out on my bed, wet (pussy), wet (from the shower), and had piled up those towels (it's bordering on scary how much I'm gushing lately), and was ready to go.

For some reason I had fingered my ass a little in the shower. Just felt like exploring a bit I guess. I don't do this too often, although since I have that fascination with anal I decided I was going to play a little...and then I lubed up my middle and index finger and started playing while I was on the bed. I've NEVER done this. I've only felt comfortable in the shower. Maybe it's because I've been extra, extra horny lately. But I started playing with my ass, sticking one and then two fingers in (more than I've had before), but it was cumbersome overall, and I decided I had to break out my smallest, pink vibe. The one called The Ese. He wasn't any bigger than my two fingers, so I lubed him up and started to play (he's got the perfect "head" for this because it is a sort of pointed end). CSG LOVED this, and began telling me how much to put in and what to do with that cute little vibe, sticking it in further and further, then pulling out. It was more erotic to just think that it was in my ass, rather than the actual sensation (although it still felt DAMN good). I played with my clit, getting more and more turned on as CSG talked to me.

CSG: now glide that ass dildo in....completely...
CSG: and let it vibrate you sweet body
CSG: fuck...my cock is throbbing HARD...

It always just about sets me off when he tells me how hard he is (even more so when he tells me he's cumming--uh, it turns me on just talking about it). I begged him to let me cum just a few moments after that (telling you, my submissive is so strong sometimes) and he made me wait (tease that he is) for a few more minutes. I. Came. So. Hard. Seriously, I was screaming and humping my bed like it was his cock inside of me. It was so good.

I didn't think I would be able to do that again (I laid there for a long ass time after that), but he started talking about how he'd never tried playing with his own ass...and that was it, I was all set to go again. Then he did a mini-fantasy about me sucking his cock (I know I haven't done it, and I hate facials, but the whole idea of sucking cock really turns me on--then again, what doesn't?) and me playing with his ass, and then making him fuck me doggy-style. A rocket launch had nothing on me. I tend to slam the keyboard a little after I've come really hard, because I can't find the energy to look at the keys or even try to type...so I had one of these going on "me: '\ja"

Nice. I know. It wasn't even 4 in the afternoon and I wanted to take a nap. Four is normally the time that I mentally wake up, so CSG really got to me. We just chatted for a long time after that, about what he does, some other fantasies (without actually doing anything about it because both of us had come twice by this point). It was nearly an hour of talking regularly. THEN (the tease) tells me that he actually GOT OFF AT WORK thinking about me.

Well shit, if that doesn't start a girl up again I don't know what would. He told me about the fantasy he'd played through while in the bathroom (about, naturally, us having sex in the bathroom--office fantasy of course, which I do so love), and that he'd then cum in the bathroom. Jesus, the energy I created with that SHOULD have launched some rockets. I thought I was going to pass out coming that hard three times.

Whew, what a way to end my semester. :-)

Now I probably won't be able to chat with him for a week. I leave for my brother's on Sunday, get back Thursday and today I was gone all day (more on that in a second) and tomorrow the moms is home, so ix-nay on screaming orgasms happening. Very sad personally. :-( [I'm sure you all feel very bad for me :-)~ ]. Frankly, I may just spend all of next Friday in bed getting off.

So, today I had my yearly girly-doctor appointment. I know most women complain greatly about these, and while I don't exactly enjoy having my pussy cranked open to check for disease, I have always had excellent gynos who are very gentle and make me feel comfortable. So, it wasn't really too bad (it was actually the only one I've had since I turned 18 where something wasn't wrong with me which I had to worry about). The only complaint I have is the amount of lube they use. Holy christ, I know I am not a "dry" kinda girl, so I think a couple dabs would probably do it. But now, I'm freaking dripping for the rest of the day (and not in the fun way). I also saw "Sweeney Todd" (5*****, very good stuff--gory as hell--but great film) and tried not to run down motorists at the malls I was at. Does everyone take off the Friday before Christmas to shop? Because I swear all of Minnesota was packed into one mall location--and it wasn't even the Mall of America! Hello? One stop shop, the mall I was at isn't even that great.

Well, since I'm off on Sunday (and apparently get to open most of my gifts then--I didn't know I was getting any besides the books I asked my parents to get me...all for me writing romance novels, specifically Regency ones...and those won't be here until January apparently), I may not be writing anything unless something wild and wonderful happens today or tomorrow.

Oh, and I should probably update on PSG. No real news I guess. He texted me that he was horny, unfortunately I was out of the house at the time, and when I got back I logged on to talk to him. He got through about two posted IMs each and the he disappeared, quite mysteriously. This was Wednesday, so as it was nearing 10pm and I had a final in the morning I texted to find out what happened. No response, so I went to bed. He texted me at midnight to say he'd gotten distracted. I don't know how I missed my phone beeping for the rest of the night (hmm, his name might be CSG), but I finally got the text at 6am and messaged him I had to sleep because I had a test. He's a manager of a retail store, so I'm sure he's working like a dog at the moment, and I don't envy him that. I don't even want to deal with these people in the parking lot, so I can't imagine dealing with them if something has sold out. Yikes!

If I don't post until after X-mas, Happy Holidays everyone!
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Editor's Note: (8:30pm) I'm super excited! I found out I'm on the youporn.com blogroll! Goal acheived, I remember being so jealous because Miss Belle got onto the youporn.com blogroll, and now I am! Clearly CSG and PSG have helped me more than I thought. :-) I love site counters.

I'm Free!

I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!!!!!

(yep, five exclamation points were completely necessary at the end there)

The last final is finished, I won't have to return to the law school for at least three weeks.

And how was it? Eh. I was just ready for it to be over and I don't know how the prof thought that we could ever use the 3 hours we had. Thirteen multiple choice which were harder than the average multiple choice, but there was no way to use the recommended 80 minutes on them. That would be 7 minutes per question (almost)! The average takes me thirty seconds, these took about 2 1/2 minutes.

The essays had a maximum of 430 words...between the two of them. 130 for the first, 300 for the second (which had five mini-parts). Yeah, the guy likes conciseness.

But it wasn't so bad. So once again....

I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!!!!!

Sexually Explicit...and then some

Editor's Note: According to my stats, I've had over 1400 hits on the blog, today alone. While I'm quite proud of myself for this, why the hell have I had ZERO comments! Come on people, I like the comments, I want to know if I'm turning you on! Get to it!...

Now back to our regularly scheduled orgy...
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I tried to be a good little girl. I tried to study hard today for my test. I even finished outlining early last night before I had a sexy discussion with CSG.

I promise I tried very, very hard.

But I woke up early this morning. A little bit desperate. A lot horny. I couldn't even get back to sleep I was so, unexpectedly turned on. I tried to ignore it, to simply sit down and study but my thoughts kept straying to the delicious fucking I'd received from CSG last night. And when I popped over to CSG's blog, where he'd written an entry about our escapade, which only furthered by horniness. Only made me reach between my legs and massage my clit as I remembered.

I succeeded in studying for a little while, reading once or twice over my outline before I started to sweat. Before I was inadvertently running my hands over my breasts, squeezing my legs together to try and ease the pressure. I logged on to see if CSG was on, but he wasn't. I couldn't wait for him though. I was sweating and shaking with the need to get off. I laid down on my bed and logged into YouPornCocks.com. I wanted to see a guy cum. To imagine it was CSG whispering that I was his fuck pet. I wrote him through Offline Messaging, telling him how wet I was. How I was dripping for him, and wishing he was online.

Then I came, quick and hard and emailed him about it.

“…I watched a porn of a guy masturbating, pretended it was you getting off
for me, roaring your orgasm as you came and came all over your body. Then
I could lick it off of you, swallowing all that hot cum down my throat.
Kissing you, fingering myself for you until you were ready to go again, until
you were ready to fuck me good and hard...”

I thought that was the end of it. I thought I would be a good girl again, go back to studying. I went to the grocery store, read through my outline again, ate some lunch and went about my day. A couple hours later I got back on my computer, logging into my IM program, just on the off chance…

Off chance indeed. There was CSG, apparently quite delighted with my IMs and email. He had been just about to write me and said he wouldn’t distract me from my studies. Of course the moment he logged on I got wet again. Wanting to hear all the words I knew were coming my way and told him I needed a break.

He was more than happy to oblige. I climbed into my bed, laid down towels, and got out my vibrator.

I squirted more than ever. I was already half way there by the time I laid down and I started to gush, over and over again, unable to believe that I could gush that much. I gush just before I cum usually, and I came so hard I screamed myself a little hoarse. I had told him to tell me to cum, to demand it from me, which I loved to hear. I laid there for a long time, gasping for breath, unable to lift my head enough to look at the words he continued to write. Finally I got my breath back and sat up. I’d soaked through four layers of terrycloth (2 towels folded over on each other) and still managed a wet spot on the bed. I wrote him about how wet he’d made me until he came too, which is really what got to me in the end I think.

I didn’t think I would be able to cum again after that, but CSG pushed me a little until I was turned on again, very nearly gushing again. He was hard again after a few minutes and I laid back down, fully prepared for another go round. Our law professor/naughty-little school girl (how apt) fantasy hadn’t gotten too far before and so he continued with that fantasy. I had three or four mini-orgasms that paled severely in comparison to the first, but I knew I was on the brink of something breath-taking. Something that would shatter my mind, so after CSG had cum one more time, I told him how close I was.

I screamed again. I was praising god (and we know how that wouldn’t happen except in exceptional circumstances) and screaming, “Oh god! Oh god! Fuck me! Fuck me!” into the ether. And I soaked through those towels again. I didn’t move for a long time again. I couldn’t believe I’d come so hard. I still can’t believe I came so hard. Then he cyber-snuggled with me, which was perfect considering I’ve been craving that lately.

Mmm, it was so good.

Three in a Day, what is WRONG with me?!

Wait, don't answer that question. See, this is what happens when I finish my outlines for class too early, I end up blogging excessively. Apparently going to that movie today didn't hurt my study techniques. I freaking rocked out on the outlining.

I just couldn't resist. Although I'm not feeling especially Christmasy this year for some reason (probably because I'll be spending Christmas in the desert around decorated cacti, which is just wrong on so many levels), I did this Christmas meme that I stole from The Amature Gigolo, because it's really quite fun. No rules, no assignments to anyone. If you want to play, go ahead, I think it's fun, if not, no biggie. This is actually a bit similar to the one NamesAreHardtoPick put up last week (by the way Names, I'm quite jealous of your new abs picture--makes me a little sick...in a good way *grins*), but has some differences too.

5 Favorite Christmas Movies.

1. Love, Actually—ALWAYS cry, it is just so freaking heartwarming
2. A Muppet Christmas Carol—I finally bought this last year, I just love it, but I love any versions of “The Christmas Carol”
3. Miracle on 34th Street—I can’t even watch this the whole way through, I cry too much
4. White Christmas—I love Bing Crosby in this, and the song “Sisters” is a personal favorite of mine
5. Home Alone—still love it

5 Favorite Christmas Songs

1. Merry Christmas Baby—Bonnie Raitt and Charles Brown, super sexy and bluesy.
2. All I Want for Christmas is You—Mariah Carey, it’s the first song I listen to after Thanksgiving
3. Carol of the Bells—so ridiculously powerful, Mormon Tabernacle Choir has a fabulous version
4. Santa Baby—Eartha Kitt, this is just classic (now)
5. Tie—between Handel’s The Messiah (the whole thing), “O Come, O Come Emmanuel,” and “O Holy Night” (depending on the singer)

5 Christmas Memories

1. When I was around 7 my brother (who is actually my half-brother biologically) went to be with his biological father for Christmas and sent me back three necklaces for Christmas. They weren’t terribly expensive, but I still have them, because it was probably the most thoughtful gift I’d ever gotten from him.
2. When my bro came to visit for the first time after he’d gotten married. His stepdaughter had never seen snow and it was so much fun to be around someone who still did the Santa thing
3. Christmases at Grandma and Grandpa’s when we lived in my hometown. It was usually just a lot of family, which is always nice.
4. Every “Christmas” family dinner we have now. It’s a tradition with my mom’s side of the family to have a Christmas dinner pre-Christmas with everyone, because usually we aren’t together anymore on the day. It’s just a nice time to get together, and now we’ve extended it to include my Dad’s family that is in the area and try to get my grandparents down too.
5. It’s not really a memory, but I watched the Christmases on video from when I was around 3 and the fun that my brother and I had opening presents was awesome. I just love watching that, particularly because my brother and I aren’t terribly close because of the age difference. I would open all of my presents (well, my brother would “show” me how to open them—i.e., open them for me, because that was his favorite part and he didn’t really care about the toy itself) and I would say, “I LOVE it! What is it?” After the first one that I did that on I figured out that people thought it was cute and did it on every single gift. I was more of a ham than I thought at that age.

5 Favorite Christmas Food

1. Lefse, fresh from the griddle
2. Popcorn balls
3. Party Mix/Chewies (homemade)
4. Gravy—seriously, I eat it on everything Christmas day
5. Stuffing/Dressing

5 Favorite Christmas Specials

1. How the Grinch Stole Christmas=gotta love that, it’s just fabulous, I love Seuss
2. Frosty the Snowman—nostalgia all the way for me
3. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer—I don’t really watch it much anymore but I still love it
4. Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas Special—I think this might have actually been a movie, but I seriously LOVED the soundtrack to this (I actually just downloaded it on iTunes). The cheese factor is high up there, but check out “Once Upon a Christmas” which is definite Christian-oriented, but it’s such a great song
5. The 4 Billion showings of “A Christmas Story”—I actually don’t like this movie. The Santa scared me, the leg lamp was just tacky (I even knew that when I was little), and I kept my tongue far, far away from metal in the winters in North Dakota (still do), but it isn’t quite Christmas if they aren’t showing this a thousand times before Christmas (plus Ralphie looks a lot like my brother did at that age—except blonde where my bro was dark-haired)

FINALLY got to talk to CSG tonight. It's been a week, exactly, since we got to play. I got off twice, he got off once (I'm fairly sure I made him late to work). And he was sweet enough to say he gets a little jealous of PSG because PSG is "easier" to get a hold of. I divested him of that notion though, because I definitely talk to PSG less than I usually talk to CSG. I've briefly talked to PSG online over the last week, exchanged a few text messages, but haven't really been able to play with him (partially my fault I think because I might have TMIed that I was having a visit from Aunt Flo yesterday, which just isn't really a turn on for most guys--although I didn't realize my error until after the fact. Ah well, que sera sera). It's sort of nice for a guy to be just a tad jealous over me. It's quite novel for me frankly.

But we had a nice chat after the cyber-fucking too, which was fun, because we don't always get a chance to do that (I tend to keep him up quite late sometimes, so after coming, if it's late for him, I let him go to bed. Whoops. *mugs innocent face*). Overall, a lovely way to end my evening.

A very late evening. This is the latest I've been up in WEEKS!

I Want to Break into Song in my Daily Life....

No, really. I want to break into song in my daily life. You may be wondering, given my propensity for singing, if I don't already do this--and I do. But I don't necessarily count singing the latest song I heard on the radio. I want to break into original song like I was in a musical.


Where, you ask, did this desire suddenly stem from (well, at least this time)? The movie Enchanted, which was beyond cute. I actually don't love Amy Adams OR Patrick Dempsey (sorry, not a McDreamy fan really)...or at least I didn't before I saw this movie. They have fabulous chemistry actually. There was one moment where he was in his big terrycloth robe after a shower and there was that bit of a V of chest (he has a very nice amount of chest hair btw) that Amy Adams sort of unconsciously touched very lightly with her fingertips, moving just until it was at the bottom of that V.


Yes, yes I did get hot from a PG Disney movie. I had to fan myself a little and was squirming a bit in my seat. Is this really any surprise though after the Disney song debacle? :-)


Anyway, the songs were lots of fun from this movie, but that's unsurprising given that Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz were the musical geniuses behind it (think "Little Mermaid", "Beauty and the Beast," "Aladdin" for Alan, and "Wicked! The Musical" for Stephen--oh that's there Idina Menzel came in with that). I'm currently downloading the soundtrack.


In other news, I watched "Without a Trace" this morning while I had breakfast/lunch (it's the TV show about missing persons), and they talked about a girl who went missing possibly in connection with her sexually-explicit blog. I, of course, had to watch it. It actually didn't have too much to do with her blog ultimately. The blog part was the most interesting, because she used a webcam to do each of her entries, so her readers knew what she looked like. She also had announced she wanted to lose her virginity on it (and a 35-year-old contacted her, telling her he was 25 and they did end up getting together and having sex)...by the way, did I mention this girl was 15?


Clearly, she had never received those emails about girls being contacted online and then meeting up with guys/pedophiles that said they were so much younger than they were and wanted to get together. Not kidding, those TERRIFIED me at that age. I never did chatrooms again after I got those emails. They are probably the only forward I ever got that I really heeded. :-/

I'm determined to figure out how to spice up my blog (well the look, I think I'm good on the spice in content) over my break. We'll see how that actually goes.


Better run. Do have to study some more today. I'm over the final from yesterday for the most part (although the prof just sent out an email that said someone forgot to turn in the actual question part of the exam! Did we not discuss this?! She nearly failed someone for that last year!). Whew. I bet everyone is running through their things from yesterday and freaking out. I know I turned my in, I may not have gotten to that third question, but I KNOW I turned in my questions! :-)

Well...that sucked

That is certainly the first test in my life that I feel like I should probably be crying after.

When the proctor (not the teacher) says that he had to spend days convincing the professor to NOT fail a student for accidentally taking the test with him last year, you just know it's not going to be good.

I didn't get to the third question, even though I tried to make at least some semblance of an outline for it (very unsuccessfully--I got about eight words down on paper before time was called).

I just treated myself to Noodles & Co. (if you don't have those let me say--I am so sorry). And now I'm probably going to go take a nap. I considered going to a movie, but I can't quite get up the energy to leave the house again for the day. Maybe AFTER the nap. :-)

Miss me?

Wow, I think except for when I was in Europe and had just started the blog, this is the longest I’ve not posted something. Nearly five days. Whew.

The “conducting” went fine, but I stuck around afterwards which was awkward because it was just my mom and all these people she works with…including some people that I have worked with from the jobs my mom got me when I was home from college. I didn’t always like some of those people, and since I don’t really love making small talk (and am actually quite horrid at it—no really, I’m that girl that someone asks me a question and I answer it, but don’t think to reciprocate the question until the person has already started walking away) it got uncomfortable once or twice. My mom and her co-workers did fairly well singing though. But they sat me next to a microphone to sing so that they could start strong. I really enjoy singing and can be a bit of a ham on occasion with my singing, but in that situation it was just not fun.

Okay, I know you guys don’t actually want to hear about that stuff. You want the juice. The “good stuff” as it were, about the men of my acquaintance who I have been known to, on occasion, play quite naughtily with.

Mmm, despite that I haven’t been able to speak to either of them much I did get a bit of play time in on Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week…

I wasn’t doing much studying, I’ll admit, on Tuesday. I tried, I really did, but I was studying for Professional Responsibility, which is a bit complicated to try and actually study for. You sort of either know it or you don’t. Either you listened in class, or you didn’t. Then I checked my email (I had to limit myself substantially in the last week) and there was a truly delectable, brief email from CSG. We’ve been playing at office fantasies lately (including some really fun law schoolgirl/professor scenarios)…

“…mounting you to claim my whore, my prize for being the good boss...now taking what I deserve, the change takes over me, I lick, bite, and leave my mark upon that insanely perfect body of yours, enjoying every inch of it, as I draw it out...long and slow, making sure your cunt is pouring its hot juices all over my cock, and your car, still not letting you feel a single inch of my throbbing member…”

Mmm. I’ll admit, I’ve found a bit of my submissive side playing with CSG and PSG over the last month or so. Bondage still makes me completely uncomfortable, but letting someone hold my hands down in the moment…damn. CSG calls me is “fuck pet,” and while at first glance the term seemed a little ridiculous, I absolutely love it now. I love when he calls me a “slut” and a “whore” in the passion of the moment. I wouldn’t if he were simply telling me I were a whore in the first line of an email, or saying it casually, but I like it when we’re cyber-fucking.

Anyway, I read the email. Then I hopped into the shower, trying to get off was unfortunately impossible though while I was in there. I was almost too anxious for it. I just couldn’t get there. So, I quickly finished my shower and rushed through the rest of my ablutions and sat myself in front of my computer, logging on even though it didn’t show CSG as being online. When a message popped up saying, “hey sexy,” the only thing I could say was, “THANK GOD YOU’RE ON!”

I probably surprised him a little, but he knew what was coming when I told him how horny I was. He wanted to know exactly how horny I was for him. I had my fingers inside my pussy already, pumping away, watching porn and trying to draw out my orgasm a little, and I told him as much. Luckily, my dirty, naughty, CSG was there to help me through such a trying time. :-)

And he did. Twice. I came so hard, dripping down onto the towel I was sitting on and gushing just a little bit.

It had been four days prior to that (why I do that when I know my period is coming and I am unlikely to get off much during that I will never know) since I had gotten off and it was absolutely, fucking magnificent.

Of course, it had to end…I had to get back to figuring out how to study for my final (I finally did), and as always he was very understanding and told me to get back to work and that we could play after my finals.

I was just fine and dandy until the next day when I got a text message from PSG letting me know that he was horny…and as it happened, I was feeling fairly horny within seconds of reading his text. I hadn’t really spoken to him much since I had added him on MySpace. I had texted him back and forth on Monday after my final for a little, and while it was at least mildly flirtatious it wasn’t as sexy as most of our exchanges had been, so I didn’t know exactly what his reaction had been to me.

I logged online and he was on, so we talked back and forth…just getting more and more turned on. Particularly when he said that he likes the fact that I’m a BBW, and wanted pictures of me—full-body pictures. Well, I was not exactly jumping at that because hello? I’m female, of course I’m critical of my body—it’s practically a prerequisite, and even though I think I’m the most comfortable with my form as I EVER have been it’s still difficult to look at a naked picture (or, you know, the real thing) and NOT be critical. I did send him a full picture of me from the back, naked (natch), and he said he liked the pic, so he was racking up the points.

I’ll get to something else he said in a moment. We were both getting damned turned on by this point, me describing how wet I was, and him describing how hard he was (seriously, cocks are about my favorite thing in the world—I get animalistic thinking about a hard cock, yum). I loved it, I jumped on my bed and broke out my favorite clit-teaser. There was a bit of a break because he was working on something special for me (well, him really) and then called to tell me all about it. He’s into anally stimulating himself (gosh I hope he isn’t going to call and ask me why I’m mentioning all his sexual preferences on here), which is so freaking hot I can hardly describe it. I’m not entirely sure if it’s the fact that he’s anally stimulating himself or just that he’s open to it, but either way, imagining him fucking himself was pretty much all I needed.

I still held off though until I got him on the phone, and then I came when I heard him coming. And then I just thought about it after we’d hung up and came again, even harder, because it was just so hot.

Now here’s the bit of what he said that I told you I’d mention: it wasn’t really werid but I don’t know how else to describe it off-hand. After we’d been going back and forth about how I had been staring at his pictures (remember this was early on in the convo), he said, “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want you to get freaked out.”

Well, it that isn’t a mood killer I’m not sure what is. I of course begin getting freaked out without even hearing whatever it is he wants to say. So, I told him to go ahead and say whatever it was then. He said, “I really think we should meet up at some point.”

*crickets*

Yeah, I’ll admit—little bit shocked. It actually isn’t that I had never thought of the possibility of us meeting, but I was really quite surprised that he’d brought it up so early in our…friendship (I guess that’s the best term). I told him I was open to the possibility, but that if he was telling me he’d be on a plane to Minnesota the next day and wanted me to pick him up at the airport he had another thing coming. He laughed and said, no, he’d been thinking more along the lines of in a few months (e.g., spring break).

I then asked how this thought had come about and he said (big point-olas here), that he thought it would be cool if we lost our virginity together.

Again, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about the possibility as an eventuality before he even brought it up, but I was definitely shocked that he did bring it up.

I HAD to tell someone about this who knew me well enough to either say, “Great idea!” or “Are you fucking nuts?!” So, I called Paige. Oh-wise-one that she is. I told her the whole story, and how I’d been definitely a bit shocked. Then I told her why he wanted to meet up and she said, “Oh my god! I LIKE him! Oh, this guy is definitely getting some points with me.”

I’ll admit, it wasn’t that I actually thought she’d say, “Are you fucking nuts?!” But I was still a bit surprised at how adamant she was that she thought it was a good idea. It made me feel all the better for having entertained the idea in my own mind anyway.

So, I guess we’ll see what happens in the future with him. I’m definitely not going to be saying, “Oh yeah, let’s do this,” until I know more about him. A LOT more about him. But so far, I’m liking what I’m seeing. I never really considered having sex with a virgin before, I always just assumed that whoever I had sex with first would automatically be much more experienced than me, but I think it would have its pros. Plus, he is very open sexually, so exploring together could be great fun.

As you can see, despite my utter lack of fun this weekend (literally have not left the house in three days) I definitely had fun this past week. Mmm, let’s hope it’s this much fun after my finals are over on Thursday. :-)

HNT -- Double the Pleasure!

Since you have all been such good boys and girls...and since I actually have my laptop back now (which let me tell you, is so much more fun than a desktop)...I will provide you with a make-up for having no HNT last week, by having two pictures this week!

Man, that's two HNTs PLUS that sexy little, naughty pic on Shay's blog that I talked about in my last post (really, probably my favorite naughty pic of my girly bits), all in one week!

The first pic is the one I would have liked to have had up last week, and the second is another I took just for the occasion. I really just don't have enough breast shots is the problem. :-) Enjoy mon chers! (no clue if what I just said even qualifies for French)





















Why do we HNT? Go see Osbasso and find out! (who's name I spelled wrong two weeks ago...geez, what is wrong with me?)

Enjoy! I'm off for another final today, and then "conducting" (*snort with laughter*) my mom and her co-workers in singing "Santa Baby." Still a little disturbed, but I probably owe her...you know, for birth and all that. :-)

I'm closing in on 100 posts on my blog, so I'm aiming to get that done by the New Year! I'll have to update soon on PSG and CSG too...talk about double the pleasure!

Yay! Cunt-blogging-Wednesday!

Okay peeps, for those of you who haven't seen some of my more fun and private pics, go check out Shay's The S Spot. I'm the featured cunt on CuntBlogging Wednesday (which is normally CockBlogging Wednesday).

I'm so excited!

It's sort of like a free HNT (okay W, and definitley not H). Gotta love that!

Well halle-freaking-lujah

Turns out my computer just had a bad hard drive....again.

So, my laptop is coming back to me tonight, and I can reset everything on it.

I can't do anything with the people at Geek Squad, because they are basically the peons for Best Buy, so I'll just wait it out until I have to get a fourth hard drive, and then I get a new computer entirely.

Although, I'll probably have to deal with Vista after that.

Bastards. :-/

I got tagged! Hey, that's kinda kinky...

I got tagged! NamesAreHardtoPick (go to the Argumentum ad Insanium link at the side of the page, I'm too lazy at the moment) created a little Meme style thing for Christmas, and apparently wanted my answers to it, so here we are. And I'll have a little update on life after this.

I'll keep the rules simple: answer the questions and tag at least one person. There, no fancy rules (it should be fun anyway). Let's get to it ...

When people say Christmas you immediately think ...

Food and lights. Hey, we make a boatload of food around Christmas usually. Lefse, krumkake, party mix, sour cream drop cookies, sugar cookies, Spritz cookies (basically about six to ten different kinds of cookies), not to mention Peppermint Hot Cocoa, knoeplha soup, turkey, stuffing, potatoes, roast beast. I don't know, Christmas always evokes thoughts of homey, delicious food. And the lights...well, without the Christmas lights it just isn't Christmas to me.

Favorite Christmas memory.

I loved when my brother came home for Christmas for the first time after he was married. His stepdaughter made Calvin-and-Hobbes style snowmen (e.g., aliens covered in green food coloring, entire massacred snowmen families, it was all very morbid), and we really just had a good time playing in the snow and getting to be VERY Christmas-y, more so than we usually are (no one around here believes in Santa anymore, so we don't get to see the lit up faces from that--and frankly I think the idea of Santa is the ultimate way to show how great a feeling it is to give rather than receive).

Favorite Christmas Song/Carol.

Oh, god, one?! Carol of the Bells is probably my favorite carol, Handel's Messiah is pretty fantabulous, and for songs I would probably go with "Santa Baby" or "All I Want For Christmas is You"...they might be fairly modern, but they are pretty fabulous. I'm too much of a singer to really just pick one, but those are all in the top 5.

Favorite Christmas movie.

I'm actually not a huge Christmas movie fan, but "Love Actually" is wonderful, as is "Home Alone" (1 & 2 I actually like), and "White Christmas" is a fun classic. Oh, I guess I am a Christmas movie fan... :-)

Favorite Christmas character.

Frosty the Snowman. I used to watch that movie a lot when I was little, and apparently when I was REALLY little (like 3) I used to sing, "Shoshy, the Man...Happy Jolly Soul...corn-button nose, happy jolly soul..." I find myself ridiculously amusing whenever I hear that story.

Favorite Christmas ornament/object:

I have three Pipka santa figurines that I really love. Also, the Royal Danish porcelain ornament I got in Denmark.

Plans for this Christmas.

Me and the 'rents are heading down to Arizona, and hanging out with the brother and his family. Baby's first Christmas, so we thought it was important we be there. It could get awkward, it will really be the first holiday we've spent with her side of the family--actually it will be the most time we've spent with her family since (or before) the wedding.

Is Christmas your favorite holiday?

I don't know that Christmas day is really my favorite holiday. I like all the lead up to the holiday, and I love Christmas Eve, but Christmas always feels a bit "over" once Christmas day hits.

Tagged: Oooh, we're going to tag Pink Ditz, Miss Belle, Virgin, and Annie...haha, you guys are going to hate me after tagging you twice in one week! :-)

Let's see, life updates. One test DOWN! Evidence is finito, and I'm quite happy about it. Also, I found out that I can use my outlines and all my books in my Business "Yes we do call it Biz Ass" Associations final. Life just got so much sweeter.

My mom and two other women she works with are "performing" at a holiday party later in the week...I was there vocal "director" tonight...it's a little disturbing to see one's mom sing "Santa Baby." I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been told my mom is sort of a MILF (she does look damned good for 53, I'm hoping that's what I look like at that age), but it's still a little weird to direct, "Here, put a little more hip action into that choreography."

I got a little reckless and added PSG to my MySpace. Like I've said before (see side panel of blog) I don't add people to either MySpace or Facebook, but I guess I didn't want to pursue more phone sex with him without seeing if I was going to have another "Fucker" experience (sorry PSG if you're reading this, I know I get a little manhater when I talk about the Fucker, I promise that isn't a reflection on you!). Luckily, that has not happened. I mean, I have cute pictures up on MySpace, but still it can be a little nervewracking to go through that process all the same. I like to think he knew what he was getting into and that he was paying close enough attention to know that I was a BBW, but one never knows, right?

From all I can tell Phone Sex is still a future possibility, so I'm fairly happy...although you'll all be the first to know when I'm not. :-)

I NEEEEEEEEEEDDDDD sleep. I have been up for 16 hours, and had quite a busy day, so I'm off to bed. My sex drive is still a bit tanked, but at least it seems to be rebounding during part of the day. Granted, it rebounded around 5:30 today when I was in the car with my mom (text messaging with PSG), so it wasn't rebounding at a convenient time, but still....

Warning: Finals Kill Your Sex Drive

It's sad but true, my first final isn't even until tomorrow and already my libido has tanked. I can't even work up the effort to find romance novel sex scenes a turn-on, and normally even the dullest of those gets me a little wet.

I was so dead tired last night that when I was going to take fun and naughty pictures for CSG, I completely blew it off (well, I did write and tell him it wasn't going to be happening), because I just had to fall into bed for the night. And I had text messaged PSG earlier in the week (prior to Libido Death) and finally got a text back from him today, so despite some lovely flirtation it will probably be a few days before I get a chance to get him on the phone for some fun. I have to say, this whole having two guys, sort of, to chose between for fun telecommunications sex is really good for a girl's ego. :-) Thanks boys...oooh, actually just thinking about how great of an ego boost they are for me got me a little horny. Eh, I'm sure that will pass the moment I look at my Evidence final.

I finally finished my outline that I can use tomorrow (I condensed an entire semester of Evidence into twelve pages of notes) on my test. Yesterday I spent the morning cooking with my mom because we were having dessert at our house after our annual, family, Holiday dinner out. It's slowly expanded over the years and now includes anyone who is on either side of my parents' family who lives in the area, as well as any person's significant other (my 17-year-old cousin on my mom's side brought his girlfriend, and my 22-year-old cousin on my dad's side brought his GF, too, and my older cousin was going to bring her BF but I don't know what happened). So, seventeen of us descended on a new steakhouse in a suburb of Minneapolis. It had iffy reviews, but ended up being excellent food...although the timeliness of service certainly left something to be desired (they made up for making us wait for 45 minutes AFTER our reservation time before they could seat us, by giving us a whole buttload of appetizers, which was really nice). It was really fun though. I was drunk by the time we sat down though because I down a blackberry-mojito martini in the ten minutes before we sat down.

That's all for me. Hope everyone is well. I'm making lefse (delightful Norwegian deliciousness that it is) tomorrow after my final for all the little kids at the school my aunt works at. She's a head cook at an elementary school, and okay, I know it seems a little gross, but I REALLY love school food--I never had that crappy stuff that they always show in movies, so that's probably why, but my aunt makes really great stuff, and I'm excited to have lunch at her school tomorrow...not kidding. :-)

We know I can't even pretend anymore that I'll stay off blogs while I am studying for finals, so I'll be around.

Edjumacation

I was tagged by Pink Ditz, for this, and since I needed a break I thought I would take it doing a fun little project. She actually said that she hates picking classes, but I actually LOVE it--it's probably my favorite part of the semester. So, I tag NamesAreHardtoPick, Ed (of Edtime Stories), Bunny, Annie, Per.Pri, and Virgin to play too (I'd pick Belle as well, but she got tagged by PD too)...you don't really have to if you don't want to, but it is sort of fun...and harder than I would have thought. Actually, anyone who wants to play should! I'd love seeing what everyone else would pick/create...but again, I do like choosing classes, so that's fun to me. :-)

Rules: Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five.

How to Get a Job 101 (H2GJ 101): We’ll cover everything from the difference between obnoxious and determined, to how to write a resume and do a cover letter. Interviewing techniques will be covered, including the dreading questions, “What are your strengths/weaknesses” and how NOT to dress when interviewing with a company. A basic understanding of how to speak the English language without slang is preferred but not required and will also be covered partially in the class.

Forming Political Opinions 233 (POLI 233): Here we discuss the major hot button issues of healthcare, war, taxes, economic climate, and education, and how to figure out what the hell the candidates are talking about in their speeches and press releases. Offered each Spring semester of an election year.

Romance Novels for Dummies (ENGL 427). Taboo? Sexy? Utter fluff? You decide, but romance novels still account for 50% of paperback sales by publishers. This will not cover how to write a romance novel, but will hopefully bring a further understanding of what romance novels are all about and why they are so popular. Included subject matter: The historical, the paranormal, vampire-love, contemporary, and Chick-Lit. Also discussed: Non-romances with romantic storylines.

Caveman & Woman: Functioning Offline during Class (CWCW 120). In association with the offering of Facebook is Not Life at Pink Stuffing University, this class readdresses issues such as—how to write a letter without a computer, what a notebook looks like, how to interact with people face-to-face, why Facebook (and any other kind of stalking) is not okay, and why blogging should be saved until after all work has been completed. Recommended as prerequisite prior to taking Rehab for Online Addicts (CWCW 458).

Basic Electronics (TIVO 316): Students will learn the basic how-to’s of setting up a computers, televisions, DVD players, cable for Internet and television, and the basics of TiVo and On-Demand programming. We will focus the last half of the semester of the different ways to use one’s digital camera—including figuring out how to get videos off of it and onto your computer.

Parental MGMT 101 (Designed by Pink Ditz): In this course students will learn how to deal with parents, especially mothers. They will constantly be reminded by how much they love their parents and how great their parents are to avoid discontent with their parents. They will learn how to talk to their parents without it turning into conflict. Students will learn tools to help them tell their parents that they do not share the same religious or political views and that this doesn’t mean that they are confused and rebellious but simply that they have their own mind. They will learn how to hide certain aspects of their lifestyles or if not how to come clean and still be accepted. At the end of this course students should be able to live more than 3 days with their mother without fighting. Warning many students fail this course, and are highly encouraged to take this course again.

It really is fun, and those are all things that I need to do at the moment...well, except the Romance Novel one, actually I sort of want to teach that one instead. :-)

Back to studying though. It's cold as hell here, so I really need to keep my fingers moving or they'll freeze up.

Caution: Here be Religion

All right, I know that religious discussions can be "controversial." And I know that this is really more of a "sex blog" than anything else sometimes, but I just returned from a Lutheran college choir concert, which has a great number of little Narrator parts explaining different stories or pieces of the Bible and Jesus Christ's life. It's like my little annual religion class.

First, let's discuss the concert. Ah, hubris, thou art my friend and confidant, but frankly you couldn't hold your head high tonight. Like I have previously stated, I'm a choir snob. However, this multi-choir group of nearly 400 pretty much rock my socks off and tonight was the best one for awhile. Last year's was a yawning dissapointment (yawning being the operative word here), but this year they had a few blow-your-hair-back pieces (as I like to call them) and they really powerhoused these pieces, bringing me fairly close to tears on a couple of occasions. The Choir Snob got schooled frankly. Ah well.

Now onto religion. The Narrator parts used more general Bible stories this year than in years past (it IS a Christmas concert after all), and while I read them in the program (yep, they list each word sung and spoken in the concert) I kept saying to myself, "Um, wait a minute that doesn't make sense." I'm no longer a Christian, although I was raised Christian (more or less) and went to Catholic schools in elementary and during part of high school, but I started going all Da Vinci Code in the middle of this concert (just in my mind).

Let me point out some of the more confusing points:

• Lots of the songs sung referred to Jesus and His lady. Now, from what I remember, when referring to the Virgin Mary, she gets the all-important capitalization treatment. Not so in these songs, so of course I'm thinking, "Who? Mary Magdalene? A little groupie-friend? Who exactly are we talking about, because the rest of this song is not sounding conducive to materal-fraternal relations here (e.g., "Our Savior Christ and His lady..." from I Saw Three Ships)
• Christ was a little prideful himself. God is supposed to have made man in his image, well if Jesus' little tantrum at Samaria when the lady asks him why she should be giving him water from the well (not that she wasn't being a little bitchy herself), then I have every right to my pride now and again and the Seven Sins business is just bull (and Pride is the worst supposedly--lowest circle of hell for you there!)
• What is with the Jesus is of the Royal bloodline of David? Um, no he isn't. JOSEPH is of the Royal bloodline of David, and since apparently Jesus isn't actually Joseph's son (telling you, conspiracy there) then Jesus is not of David's blood...problema grande, no? Also, while we are on the Joseph kick--the angel Gabriel never actually said that Mary was going to conceive GOD'S child--just that she would conceive a child that God would think is pretty awesome all around. The only thing Gabriel really did was ordain the kid to be King of Israel. I don't know about you, but I don't really get "Son of God" from that...AND it says that he gets the "throne of His father, David." Um, that sort of screams that Joseph is the biological father of this kid...which causes a serious question of that whole chicken-egg or maybe angel-conception thing. I don't know, but I'm thinking Mary got a little frisky and freaked out...but hey, we were made in God's image, so if Mary did it, it's probably something God would have done too, right?

So, those were my three main thoughts during this concert, when I wasn't being musically moved. I'm partially joking around, but when you see a whole lot of questionable story-telling going on by guys writing a few hundred (at least) years after the life of Christ, doesn't it throw up red flags for anyone?

It was fun though, and now I have to decide between studying for awhile longer or just sleeping the rest of the night. Not going to lie, I'm leaning towards the sleep option. Night all!

HNT...well, really just T

That last post is just depressing me, so I'll just post a new one. See? Still here, just with a few more limited capabilities. I'm taking a break from studying right now. I have an Evidence final on Monday, but our Dean (who teaches this class) is freaking awesome and let's us use our notes and books for the final. So, I just have to make sure I actually have those things organized in some semblance of readability. :-)

I would be making an HNT entry, but my older computer has issues and takes about five hours to do anything with cropping of pictures or just bringing up the program. I'm really sad actually, because I had a REALLY awesome one this week! I'm fairly positive it's my favorite thus far.

Oh well, once I'm back on my laptop I'll put up a whole bunch of pics (well, at least three, since that is about the next time I'll have a chance to be on my laptop).

I'm off to a choir concert tonight. Who's brilliant idea was it to have a college choir concert once finals have actually started? It's always an excellent concert, but it's a bit stressful going tonight, right after it snowed AGAIN (second...no, third time this week--we're closing in on ten inches).

So, just some things I thought about while I made an outline today:

• I'm damned horny, and have an upcoming visit from Aunt Flo so I'm basically eating everything in site (three eggs, four strips of turkey bacon, and two English muffins an hour ago--now? Starving) which is just not cute
• Holy shit finals are coming on way too fast for me
• I have way too freaking much to do before the 23rd when I leave for Arizona for Christmas--including a lady-doctor's appointment (always fun), hopefully getting my computer back, and a hair cut
• Oh look, porn!
• I'm very annoyed I can't do HNT today....
• I love Dean Tommy Law School (not real name, haha), but why can't he teach more interesting subjects?!
• It's too damned cold in my house!
• Still horny
• Hmm, I haven't talked to PSG since this weekend...wonder what he's up to...
• Haven't talked to CSG since Monday...I already know what he's up to though, since he's such a good penpal...and a sexy penpal...and look I got an email from him! Damn, now I'm horny again
• I wonder when I'm going to be on Shay's CBW on The S Spot...
• Yay! My squirting question is being answered by Rose at Speak Sexy pretty soon!
• I love that people have written to ask me about squirting...I feel so knowledgable...unfortunately not about the stuff I really need to be knowledgeable about for Monday...bleck
• Yay! I got tagged by Pink Ditz...crap, I can't answer right now, I have to study
• Still horny...even after I got off

Basically I just thought about blogs all day, and tried to keep taking notes.

All right, I should go. More studying and then off to that choir concert...then more studying...then sleep...then more studying...then sleep...then cleaning and cooking on Saturday for our dessert after our big family dinner Saturday night...

Oh fuck I don't have time for my life. :-( Bye for now guys! Thanks for all your support and well-wishes for finals! Keep emailing, I'm going to try and be good and stay off blogs, but staying off email is just NOT an option.

Hate my Computer

Okay, my computer is heading to the Geek Squad today. Which means I have absolutely no idea when the hell it will be back.

Now, as much as I love you all...the blogging and email are not my primary concern. My primary concern is that I have finals in five days.

Damn it. I'm about ready to throw this thing out the window. It has spent way too much time at the Geek Squad in 18 months. Let's hope they do a forever kind of fix it this time around (although I won't hold my breath).
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Update: The verdict as of 7:00pm? Bad processor. Meaning? Two weeks for it to get fixed. Fuck me. Luckily I have my other older computer, which sadly, after 7 years of service runs slowly, but not as slowly as my laptop has been running. At least I have some way to make outlines for school. :-(~

TMI Tuesday

This seems to be dealing a lot with relationships, which is always a fun subject...



Click the "Kiss and Tell" Icon to Play TMI with us!


1. If your partner buys you a sexy little "something" is it a present for you or for your partner?
Ooh, usually both, but I guess it depends if he buys the right size--if not I don't think it's a present for ANYONE

2. What are 3 characteristics of "your type"?
My "real" type or that Highland-warrior thing I always talk about....? (okay, we'll go with real ideal)
Intelligent, highly sexual (at least as much as me), kind

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good a cook are you?
Well, I take a little longer than most, but I think I'm around an 8-9 on the cooking scale...even if I could NEVER do a 30-Minute Meal

4. Tattoos: Love them or hate them. On you? On a partner?
Don't mind them too much actually...I guess it doesn't matter too much, although full body turns me off (I like to see the actual skin) and I have a weird dislike of arm tattoos for the most part

On me--well, I still want one, but I also like having my skin smooth and clean and unblemished so I don't know if I'll ever get one

5. Stubble: Good or bad? How often do you shave?
Kind of sexy on a guy's face...on me? Not so much. I'm definitely lazy though and shave my calves way more than any other part of the lower body--shave/depilitate pussy area on average once a week as of late. Luckily my hair grows fairly slowly--I'm usually smooth for a full two days after shaving


Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)?
Garlic, Gerard Butler, Scotland, England, traveling, romance novels, sex toys, pop music, Johnny Depp, chocolate, Peppermint Hot Chocolate, macaroni and cheese, Pride & Prejudice, books, luxury real estate (haha), porn (creampies, squirting, hard fucking, anal), cars, writing, filet mignon, lefse, fattigman (sic?), Gaelic hurling (that is not throwing up), soccer, hockey, Carnevale masks from Venice, musicals/plays, good-fake designer sunglasses, singing, jazz/blues music, Christmas, phone sex, and cyber sex....okay, I'll stop now :-)

The problem with squirting...

Okay, that was just a fun title to write, but I bet you weren't aware there could be any downsides to gushing, but there is. Namely, making the bed.

I really don't mind doing laundry. It's not a difficult skill to master...okay, maybe not master, but at least be reasonably good at. It's the making the bed after the fact that bugs the hell out of me. I really, hate making my bed from fresh. It's not hard to do in the morning (I don't really move much at night, so I just fold the corner back over the spot I was in), but right after laundry it's very annoying.

I had to do it today because, despite taking the precaution to put down a thick, beach towel to cum on while I talked to Cyber Sex Guy, I still ended up soaking through the towel AND the sheets. Definitely the most I've ever cum.

In other news, I apparently have some serious hormones kicking in. As I was drifting off to sleep last night I couldn't help imagining cuddling with someone, wanting to feel kisses on my neck, curling up next to the guy and stretching one leg over his legs, and just laying on his chest. Even half-asleep the very thought sounded delicious. Of course, I then imagined being able to climb on top of him, kissing him, licking his chest, running my fingers through his hair, and then lowering myself onto his hard cock...then cumming all over him.

I was actually imagining Phone Sex Guy at the end there, because he was an easy person to imagine in the flesh because I know what he looks like. And he's damned sexy, so that made it even easier. :-) Mmmm, it's turning me on again actually. Something about the cuddling and kissing has really been sounding delicious lately...

Like I said, hormones. ;-)

Oh, and PS to everyone...it's about that time of the year again. Nope, not the Holidays. It's about that time of the year that my computer decides to freak out and blow-up on me. This has happened a few times since I got the computer in August 2006. It takes around 6 minutes for my computer to start up (and get into my normal screen), and a dozen to be able to double-click on something so that it actually pops up, right now. Plus I cannot play music without it sounding like the artists are all stuttering and watching videos takes some extra time--it's all happened before, I know the signs.

So, if I am not responding, logging on, or blogging for a few days at any time in the next few weeks it's because I'm getting a new hard drive put into my computer. Pain in the ass, yes, but after this third hard drive, when I'm in need of a fourth--I get a brand new computer! I'm backing my computer up right now (so it should be done in about five hours). :-)

Go Tell That Shit on the Mountain...

No, I didn't get religion over the weekend...although now I have that song stuck in my head...but I am referring to my sudden disclosure to my two best friends, Paige and Laney, last night. I'm not entirely sure why I decided I was suddenly willing to share my blogging secret with my friends, probably because the last week has been fairly surreal and unexpected for me and unfortunately Ingrid (the only other person in my real life who knows about my blog) was having her own problematic week and wasn't much able to hash things out with me.

Laney's reaction was, "Okay." And in reaction to telling her that I tended to get a number of emailed responses (mostly from men, I'll admit) saying, "Bravo!" she had a funny/cynical/understandable response and said, "Well, of course you get responses from guys. Getting into the pants of a virgin is every guys' dream!" Which, yeah. Understandable. :-)

The reaction from Paige, was, "You've had a blog since June and you didn't tell me?!!!" I told her I had wanted to keep it anonymous and she said, "Oh, that's okay then." She was really intrigued about it and she just loved that I've been talking to Cyber Sex Guy and Phone Sex Guy. She wanted to know every detail and then I told her that I learned how to squirt. So, she asked me how it was and when I told her it was very delightful she said, "I have to learn how to do that!" You gotta love my friends. :-)

It was probably best to talk to her and tell her about it, particularly about my own reservations with PSG because of my insecurities about what happened the last time I engaged in phone sex. She was there the last time that crap went all wrong and said, "Yes, but we've got a) stupid, immature asshole from Texas...or, b) hottie guy from, wherever, who already has seen some sort of picture of you on HNT." She really calmed me, because I know I've got that support.

So, after talking to her I logged online (pretty damn late) and text messaged PSG. He logged on and we chatted for a little bit, mostly about day-to-day things. He had to leave for awhile and I started playing with myself, watching youporncocks.com because I so do love seeing a guy come. I then watched a video that I've sort of fallen in love with, I don't know if it is a pro or an amateur, but it's a woman who seems to be auditioning for something and is reluctant, but the man finally gets her to have sex with him willingly, and then makes her suck him off (although she says she never has and doesn't know how) until he comes in her mouth. He screams his orgasm so loud and so amazingly I always come when I watch it.

A bit later he texted me, when I was just about getting ready for bed. He logged on and then sent me the link for him to be on camera so I could watch him (I don't have camera-function on my computer). Holy god, I didn't know that could be so hot. I called him and we had phone sex while I watched him get off. And I came so damn hard. I gushed too, a surprising amount actually. It was so damned hot.

No Sex

No sex today. It's probably good for me to take a break, I'm literally aching today. And not in the I-need-sexual-satisfaction way. It's in the holy-shit-I-came-four-times-and-squirted-twice-yesterday-and-my-ass-and-thighs-hurt-from-holding-my-legs-wide-for-an-hour-plus kind of ache. It's a little painful going up and down the stairs frankly...plus I just shoveled two-plus inches of accumulated snow and my entire upper body hurts too. I think I burned about a billion calories (yay for me!). It was worth it with Cyber-Sex Guy though...mmm, despite the fact that I can barely comprehend masturbation at the moment, it was still damn delicious yesterday.

Okay, onto the non-sex aspect of the blog...

I saw two really funny bumper stickers on the same car yesterday. I'm not Christian/religious (probably agnostic), which is why they were funny. 1) "Christian under Construction" (aww, how clever) and 2) "Sin will Fascinate You, Then Assassinate You"--well, if that doesn't just encompass the Christmas spirit. Oddly, I really enjoyed a description of on "CSI: Crime Scene Investigators" of religious belief (by Grissom, who I love). he said, "I don't believe in religion. I don't believe in something that tries to tell me how to live my life." It was something along those lines, but it's also something that makes sense to me.

Little more religion here. I read an article in Time Magazine about Philip Pullman and "His Dark Materials" which are the trilogy that starts with "The Golden Compass" (the movie is coming out, here in the States, in about a week). I definitely thought it might be along the lines of "Harry Potter" (I haven't read it...yet), which I have recently learned skirts the issues of encouraging Christianity (okay, okay, so that should have been obvious I'm sure, but I really hate to imagine that some of my favorite literature is encouraging something that I feel fairly strongly against most of the time). However, apparently "His Dark Materials" is a social commentary (in large part) against religion in politics. It isn't necessarily anti-Christianity or -religion, but the evil-people in the books are politically powerful and use religion to strike fear into the hearts of everyone.

I'm so going out to buy that book as soon as the snow lets up.

Well, I was reading The Amature Gigolo's blog, about Christmas gifting and it got me thinking about my own utter inability of gifting at Christmas. I've never really had to deal with buying Christmas gifts. I don't really ask for much from my parents anymore...and least not as a Christmas gift really, if I happen to see something while we are out at Target or elsewhere and I know what I'm getting right away. Last year I got an iPod for Christmas, which we bought two days before, because my original iPod Shuffle had gone kaput about six weeks prior to Christmas. And my brother and I have never expected gifts from each other, because...well, I don't know why. Probably because we haven't spent a great many Christmases together (he has a different biological dad, so around the time I remember celebrating Christmas he had started going to see his bio-dad [he doesn't call him dad, my dad is his as far as we are both concerened] to try and get to know him a bit) and because he's so much older than I am (he has 7 years on me). So we don't worry about it.

But now I have a step-niece and nephew to worry about purchasing things for...well, at least picking things out for them since my parents support me while I'm in law school...luckily I purchased a number of things for them while I was in Italy and Greece. Thank god I remembered to find those things early on, but now I feel bad NOT having anything for my brother and sister-in-law. We're going to their home for Christmas, 2000 miles away from home...so we aren't buying anything until 2 days before when we get there.

Damn, the stress is perturbing. I did all sorts of fun Christmas cooking/baking today (although my friend couldn't come over because of the extreme snowfall.

Wow, that was just rambling wasn't it? Sorry, that was probably dull. :-)