Oh god...I think I've just come...

Is it just me (admittedly a shameless car whore) or is anyone else mega turned on by the new Cadillac commercial featuring Kate Walsh ("Addison" from Grey's Anatomy)?

Here is the link:

Kate Walsh Hot Cadillac Commercial

I don't generally go in for girls for the most part, but I so just got a girl-crush on Kate. :-)

Crush on You

So, after the hyperventilation that was Wednesday I realized that I'd had a really good day.

And what do I start thinking of when I have a good day? Well, SEX naturally...

Namely, I was thinking about my previous entry on fantasies. I know I spoke about the fact that I had never "gotten" the whole dressing-up/role-playing fantasy very much, and I started thinking to myself about why that is, because it's a fairly common fantasy scenario, or so I believe. Then I realized that my belief that I had never been interested in role-playing was patently untrue. In fact, role-playing is probably one of the main aspects of a lot of my fantasies.

The reason I say this is that I have never particularly thought of my fantasies in the actual roles, but in the settings. I think of the roles of Boss/Secretary fantasy as "Office Sex" and Student/Teacher as "School Room Sex." Generally, when I think of role-playing I for some reason immediately think of Pirate/Wench (it's automatic in my mind--and doesn't really deviate much--no, I don't know why). In case you were curious, Office Sex and School Sex are my two most prevalent role-playing fantasies.

Another reason I think I haven't thought about it in such terms is that when I developed Office Sex/School Sex scenarios in my head I hadn't quite embraced my full-sexual kinetic energy. Meaning, I didn't even realize there was potential for such thoughts in my head. I was raised on the edge of religion, but in Catholic elementary school. I mean, I brought in What's Happening to my Body Book: For Girls in 5th grade because I thought it would be a good teaching aide for my teacher when we were having health discussions...and never saw the book again. It was discreetly returned to my mother (I think she bought it because I was refusing to wear a training bra) and I think, had my principal not adored me and my family so much (she was a nun by the way), I would have probably been sent to the Principal's office. I'm fairly certain I was "told on" by my teacher. Sex for anything-but-procreation isn't exactly the Catholic-Way.

That was probably confusing--I didn't start having Office and School Sex fantasies while in Catholic elementary school. I did start having them around my freshman year of college. I was more comfortable with sex terms than my friends at the time, but I had hardly researched something like that. And normally, I was picturing the guys I had crushes on or my guy friends who happened to be particularly good-looking (the two were not always mutually exclusive however).

And THAT is the reason I was thinking that I haven't been thinking about my sexual fantasies and really developing in the past couple of years--besides not having dated anyone in that time--I haven't even had a "crush" on someone for more than a week at a time. I don't even have a celebrity crush to develop fantasies of (which is an almost non-existent occurrence since about 4th grade when I created songs about marrying Jonathan Taylor Thomas to the tune of "Daydream Believer"). This is rather disheartening, but at the same time, I can't really be bothered.

Maybe I'm too old for "crushes," or maybe I've gotten disillusioned with the whole "Crush" business (surprisingly, it doesn't always work out as one would hope), but I guess I'm less and less desirous of doing the unrequited love thing. But, it sure does make a girls fantasy-life a bit stodgy.

In other news, I went to a law clinic to help people get divorces on their own today. Luckily, one of my friends was with which made the 1 hour 15 minute drive there (and then back) much better. I love driving, with a passion, but sometimes there is only so many times a girl can listen to the "Hairspray" soundtrack before she has to turn it off and start talking to someone--even if she's by herself. "Ash" is a sweetie. She's married and she and I have been virtually inseparable while at school since the first day of classes. I should really create a bit of a info booklet on my friends--I can't just keep introducing these people and except you to keep them straight.

And in yet other news, I kind of want to have sex. Like now. This is likely just hormones though. I don't exactly consider my virginity a great status symbol or that hugely important (kind of important), because usually it's just an embarrassment, but sometimes it's an obnoxious storm cloud hanging over my head.

Whatever, I'm probably just horny as fuck.

Hmm, that's new. :-)
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**Quote of the day: "She was suffering from feminism to a neurotic extreme." From a case in Wills, Trusts, & Estates class on Mental Capacity of a Testator. Those judges--always tactful.

Oh no

I screwed up. Big time. I don't know how it's going to go yet**, but the HUGE volunteer program opportunity for creating a manual? I was super excited and told the advisor of our volunteering program here, because she introduced me to the person who offered me the opportunity, and she got excited and we sent out an email that referenced getting together the materials to all the volunteer groups in the area asking if they happened to have information on it.

And I, the one with the info, apparently implied that the courts were also involved--I don't know if I out right said that they were involved, but that was the assumption I had made, so I guess that was the assumption I relayed. They aren't, so the lady who so awesomely and kindly and awesomely offered me the opportunity had to write back saying she hadn't thought I needed to know the "politics" going into it because she "never thought an email would go out."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Within the first two hours of getting a really great opportunity I screw it up.

I feel kind of sick about it frankly. I gotta learn to keep my big mouth shut.

Shit.

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**Got an email back for my apology, and she felt bad that she hadn't told me about this needing to be discreet. Still feel horrible about it. I'm a law student! Shouldn't I know this shit?! She's a nice woman though, so that helps. I'm so relieved to hear back from her I could cry...but that could be awkward since I'm still in class. Maybe after, on the drive home.

Retake...

So, possibly, maybe some of you might have noticed that I took off my previous post. In addition to the fact that I failed to explain what a cuckolding "fetish" is, I ended up just thinking I was sounding still too high-horsed about that whole thing. I'm not real comfortable sounding like that, so I took it down. At the very least for the time being. So, for your reading pleasure...more delightful facts about me!

1. I’m not a Drama Queen, I do not thrive in a dramatic environment…but I have been known to like some drama in my life now and again. Sometimes it’s just a necessary evil, and some drama is good drama (although not nearly enough).
2. I think a man’s hands, forearms, and back are ridiculously sexy. I also really think an erect penis/cock/dick/insert-your-synonym here is sexy. So many women I know think cocks are “icky” and “funny-looking.” Are you kidding? They’re hot!
3. I drive my dad crazy by not answering the phone when I don’t feel like talking to someone. There is a reason caller-ID was invented, but he doesn’t seem to get that.
4. My mom is probably one of my best friends—she doesn’t get me as much as my best girlfriends do, but she’s darn close.
5. I like hanging out with guys better than girls, but I think I’d shock most of my guy friends if they knew how out-and-out raunchy I get with my two best female friends.
6. I’m sort of afraid of the idea of meeting new people on the Internet. I’m okay on blogs, because at least I’m feeling like I’m getting to know someone too, but I’ve had a number of guys contact me on MySpace (before I privatized it) about getting together—and then when I look at their profiles they have pictures of them with guns and their profile states, “I like guns.” I’m not sure, but I don’t think I just randomly look like an NRA member.
7. I love the idea of rough sex, but I have a terrifying, irrational fear of being tied up and then being either a) photographed or b) gang banged. I really seem to have a trust issue with the opposite sex.
8. I really love bullet points.
9. I fear kankles and horror films.
10. I think men who rape women should be castrated…and yes I did say that to the class at large in my Criminal Law class—not just at random, we were discussing something relevant.

Hmm, feeling a bit whacky this week. I'm trying to organize my life around starting to volunteer (never really done that before) as well as school, and possibly working on a probate manual for the people I'm volunteering with (which is HUGE!--i.e., super awesome and important). So, I've been fairly busy...but also not. I'm also getting back into reading historical romances. Sometimes those are so fabulous. I don't know if I've mentioned this but I sort of worship Jane Austen and the other classic "romance" novelists of that time. They are fab, so I love that period of time anyway. I've always sort of wanted to live in that period--you know, if suffrage had been put into law and weren't generally considered chattel...okay, really I just wish we still wore the clothes, had the balls, and had British accents (not sure I could give up air conditioning frankly).

Not the point. I'm back on an Historical stint of novels (this is really after reading no romance for a bit--I devoured the twelve Stephanie Plum novels in about three weeks and still say there should be a Ranger-Stephanie-Joe sex sandwich), and loving it. I read a Julia Quinn novel (always delightful), a Samantha James novel (a new delight for me), and am now re-reading a Judith McNaught novel. I have a few of those, and they are always very intricate and take me a decent amount of time to get through usually. I really enjoy her writing, and her novels are generally sweeping and beautiful--they feel like the moors of England most of the time, a bit craggy and heart-wrenching. They also have a healthy cheese factor, but usually this doesn't really become apparent until the very end of the novel (like within the last paragraph), when she tends to use the name of the novel as the final phrase of conversation in the book--and since the name of the book I'm currently reading is called "Kingdom of Dreams," you know there is going to be an "oh, gawd" moment at the end. Normally this would ruin my mood of the book, but I still love her as an author and no matter how cheesy that last moment of the book is, I'm excited to be re-reading the book.

I'm actually in class at the moment. I'm always amused to do something non-class like while in class. It's been more than a year of getting used to the fact that my teachers clearly know we are not paying that much attention and are instead surfing the Internet, but it still gives me a secret thrill to do it. It's that repressed naughtiness in me.

I should go though, I wasn't in on Monday, so I should really pay attention.

Hot for Teacher

I've been listening to Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" for the last 24 hours. It was playing in my head for about twenty of those hours, but I just put it on the ol' iTunes and have been blasting it while I do homework.

I'm really getting into this teacher fantasy thing.

It actually got me thinking about something that I've discussed with my best friends at times. I'll introduce them to you quickly. I've known these girls for 10 years and they are the two people who I can be absolutely myself in front of at all times, no matter if I'm being outrageous and raunchy, they can deal with it and still love me for it. Total definition of best friend, right? So, "Paige" & "Laney"** and I are the Terrible Threesome and probably make the lives of those around us hell sometimes, but that's okay. We don't really care too much, we're just happy when we get to be together (they both live in different states from me, as well as from each other--in fact we make an almost perfect equilateral triangle of the west side of the Mississippi).

Paige is married and she's more on the edgy side of things. Not always, she has some conformity in her, but probably not as much as it would appear that Laney and I do (at least in terms of physical looks). Her husband is ultra-punked out with tattoos and piercings up the wazoo (totally Paige's body type), but he's also a total sweetie (although we get into it over music--he listens to "anarchy" music as I like to call it and it seems like if the group is signed they are not worth listening to...total bollocks). Paige always said she'd never get married...and here she is the first of us to do so. Go figure.

Laney is quieter than either Paige or I, and she comes off as very shy and reserved. She's not, she was the first to do just about everything (except drugs...Paige and I had that distinction, and least...I think we did!). She had sex first (soooo scandalous to Paige and I when we were 15/16 and Laney told us she'd had sex--we were such goody-two shoes back then though), and first to be in serious relationships and first to get drunk. Telling you, the exterior just doesn't match the interior for the most part on Laney. She's so great though, and she's a total romantic like me--and embraces it, which is something Paige didn't ever do until she met Hubby J.

We all get along equally well, and we are pretty much the BFF scenario.

Anyway, I got to talking one day with Laney about sex and what kind of sex we all seem to like. Paige used to despise talking about sex (she refused to say the word "finger" in reference to fingering for nearly two years, and she always told us she'd never masturbated...it had to be a lie though, I can't imagine getting to the age of 22 and not masturbating! I told her she had to tell me the truth once I found out she was getting married and she said she had done so since the last time we'd had the discussion), but now she is more than willing to hit up a sex shop and talk about Hubby J tying her up.

Laney has explored her sexuality fairly well as well, she has total costume fantasies of dressing up like a naughty schoolgirl, light to medium bondage (to the extent of nipple clamps...beyond that I'm not sure of details), and she has had a serious thing about wanting to buy a riding crop to use on a guy for at least a few years. But, up until about six months ago, she used to break out in hives when she walked into a sex shop.

Then there is me. Frankly, because of my utter lack of experience I'm not sure that I've actually explored the full world of my sexual fantasies. At least not until this schoolteacher thing got me thinking (seriously, it was a waste of a day in my brain beyond thinking about sexual fantasies). I think I've always considered Paige's world of sex to be fairly "vanilla" (this is a normal term right? I've heard it so many times before that I naturally use it...but Laney had never heard of it up until I used it a couple months ago). I think the whole light bondage thing is fairly normal nowadays. Laney is a little "kinkier" it seems, the costumes, the riding crop thing, a fairly healthy desire for at least mild domination and submission techniques.

So, I'm not entirely sure where that leaves me. I definitely have a fairly healthy appetite for sexual scenarios. Mostly I prefer sex (okay, I should clarify--sex scenes since I haven't had the actual sex) that is a hard coming together of bodies. I've read My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday and can identify with most of those ideas. If you haven't read that it has what women's most secret fantasies are...about twenty of them or so, maybe more. It's everything from incest fantasies, to bestiality fantasies, to sex-with-a-stranger, exhibitionism, lesbian fantasies, rape fantasies, etc. Tons of them.

Like I said, I can identify with a fair number of the ones in the book. I don't get off on the pain scenarios, and rape scenarios really freak me out. But, I want to have sex in a public place (seriously, it turns me on to think about sex in a public bathroom...which is weird, cause I don't really like public bathrooms), I like the idea of light bondage (the idea of being tied up sort of freaks me out though), I think I'm slightly more submissive than dominant--although I wouldn't mind switching it up a little occasionally either, I could probably get into a threesome with either two men and me or me and another women and man, blow jobs turn me on, I love watching porn, and I really, really, really want to try anal sex.

Honestly? That last one is probably the one that most people think is the "freakiest." Even Laney and Paige, I think--although they may have totally tried it, it isn't something we talk about much. I think it's fairly tame, and damned sexy if done right.

I don't know, this is just something I've been thinking about because of the schoolteacher thing. I've honestly NEVER thought of the dress-up scenarios as that sexy before. They always seemed more of a "guy" thing, but I definitely see the appeal of dressing up. I used to act in high school, and you can definitely represent yourself as something else that way...sexier, naughtier, whathaveyou.

I think the thing about me though, is that I am a hopeless romantic most of the time. I want the world to be pretty and kind. I want a guy to fall hopelessly in love with me and never need to look at another woman. And I want to return the favor. That's probably why I like those sex scenes in romance novels that go from hot and heavy, to later being soft and sensual because it's not just an expression of bodies, but an expression of emotion too. It's also the reason I sort of love the idea of only being with one guy my entire life.

So, what are your fantasies? Am I kinky or fairly vanilla? I find the topic rather fascinating (clearly, or I wouldn't have spent 90% of the day thinking about it), I even sort of want to dress up in the schoolteacher garb one day for school, just to see if people notice or say anything (my friend SS will, cause I told her about the fantasy already).

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**Names have obviously been changed. I was just too lazy to recreate other names at the time. I think I'll probably go back and replace other names too...maybe not. Never know.

Fantasy

I almost always wear my hair in a bun. I have slightly longer than shoulder-length hair, which isn't overly voluminous, but it can do its thang when I take the time...so usually it just sits in a easy bun (ladies, you know the kind I'm talking about, just a half-pulled through kind).

This has a point, I swear.

I also just got glasses for the first time in a good nine years, today. They are soft-rectangles in a dark/medium brown with solid frames.

Is it odd that from the moment I put those glasses on I wanted to change into a short black skirt, white blouse, and black pumps and start dolling out a little after-school style discipline to a hot, hard man? I'm not much into the dom/sub style of things, but I could seriously get behind this fantasy.

Not odd? Okay, good, just checking. :-)

Mildly dirty...

I just wrote a lengthy sex scene for my book, while watching My Little Pony on DVD*. It was the original series, which I totally loved.

But, I still felt mildly dirty at the innocence of the show and the dirtiness of the scene. I had to laugh at myself.**

:-)

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*I rented the DVD from Netflix...I was stupidly excited when I found out they had it. Now if I could only find the original "Strawberry Shortcake" movies. I always made my dad rent those for me when I was sick as a little girl.

**Okay, not sure which was worse, I watched Law & Order: Special Victims Unit just now while I was still writing...felt mildly dirty for a whole other reason. I gotta stop watching television when I'm writing.

11 thru 20 Random Facts

Okay, so I just reread my last post that I did last night...and I really have to stop writing in the heat of the moment when I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. That was kind of depressing. It's okay, you can admit it...it definitely had a depressing/pathetic slant to it. Luckily, I'm back today feeling a bit happier and wanted to do something fun...but have no real purpose to write about, so I'm just going to post more of the 101 Random Facts about Me. Technically numbers 11 thru 20, but it's really 1-10 again...

1. I like guys who look suspiciously like Highland Warriors—6’4 or more and 220+ pounds of muscle. Kilt optional.**
2. I’m in law school, but instead of paying attention in class…I write my novels.
3. I am not one of those people who is good at pursuing what they love first and foremost above pursuing money—I respect those people and envy them, but I start to hyperventilate at the thought of being a struggling writer (hence—law school)
4. My least favorite word in the English language is “fat.” I’ve had it used against me a thousand and one (or more) times, and even when I hear it in the context of something that has nothing to do with calling me names, I want to throw up. I didn’t even like the use of “phat.”
5. I have this weird procrastination habit of imagining what I would do if I won the lottery—pay off my parents and brother's houses, move out of my parents' house, join the gym. Pretty normal things. I don't even necessarily think about the money part of it anymore...it's just how I'd decorate my house. Planning with what is essentially Monopoly money is the best procrastination technique on the planet.
6. I’m a singer. This means that a) I’m actually good at it, and b) I do it so much that I probably annoy people. I sing anywhere that music is playing and I (at least sort of) know the song…and sometimes I just sing to the songs stuck in my head—out loud. In the grocery store.
7. My favorite ice cream is Bubble Gum ice cream. It's impossible to find, but the way to my heart is through bubble gum ice cream and puppies…I’m like a five-year-old that way.
8. The three of the 7 Deadly Sins that best describes me are: Lust, Pride, and Greed. I can’t tell if I’m going to end up in Purgatorial Terraces or in one of the Circles of Hell…
9. …and that I even wonder about the possibility when I’m halfway between agnostic and atheist probably makes me a complete Literature dork (thanks Dante)
10. I love dogs. I sometimes like cats, but I’m really a dog person…I actually got into an argument with my teacher in 4th grade, in front of the whole class, about whether or not dogs had the ability to make decisions. Her arguments were so specious about dogs blindly following commands (I have yet to have a dog that blindly follows commands, even after months and months of training they won’t do it unless they feel like it or there is a treat involved--and really, I would roll on my belly too if you were going to give me Bubble Gum Ice cream) that I couldn’t believe she was a teacher. And she didn't even have a dog. Don’t get me started, I can take anyone down in this argument.

That was way more fun than the last post. Hopefully you agree.

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**I thought I should elucidate this one. Generally, I really do enjoy these guys--but mostly just in fantasy and romance novels. My "type" varies but tends to be a little more "normal" (not that I wouldn't hop on a Highland warrior) and less warrior-esque. Definitely like tall guys, 6 feet and taller (I don't think I've ever been attracted to a guy less than 6 feet actually, now that I think about it), but the perfect UFC fighter body isn't a prerequisite...although the kilt is still optional. :-)

Clarification...or, Why I'm a Crazy Person

I think I need to clarify something from the previous post, which I've been thinking about on and off all day. I wouldn't normally do this (okay, maybe I would), but I figure if the thought hasn't gone away most of the day I should probably address it...at least for my own sanity.

So, #2 of the Random Facts About Me posted in the previous post stated that I am always wary about guys' intentions towards me. Here is where the Why I Am A Crazy Person takes up.

Most people probably think this means, "I just think they are in it for the sex." A) I am not having/have not had sex, so I'm not too worried about that aspect and B) I'd probably be more okay with that if that were the case. It's not. Mostly I am wary of guys' intentions towards me because I, honest-to-nameyourdeity, think that guys are only willing to pay sexual attention to me in order to get some cruel form of entertainment out of it.

I promise, this is not unfounded.

I'll just come right out and say it, just give me a minute...okay, I'm (oops, chickened out) overweight. More appropriately I would probably describe myself, fairly, as "solid." (And if this makes you stop reading my blog...fuck you). Not the right size for my height/age, blah, blah blah. However, I can live with this because I'm so healthy I get weird looks and surprised calls from my doctor when my test results come back in. Low cholesterol? Low blood pressure? Normal glucose levels? I don't think they know what to do with me.

Okay, shit, I'm way off track...anyway, so I'm a full-figured woman and it runs in my family. I don't love it, but I'm never gonna be a size 2 and I am okay with that (I'd be okay with a size 10 though).

This, as you can imagine, has been rather painful for me in the relationship department. I've dated, but mostly I think the guys felt a little sorry for me, and when they realized I wasn't an easy lay tended to move on. I haven't even been on a date for three years. I have also only met two guys that I could fairly confidently say actually believed me to be beautiful and/or sexy, while sober, and weren't just handing me a load of bull.

The reason where (that was bad grammar, but I'm going with it) this whole wary-of-guys-intentions things really comes from though is that when I was a sophomore in college I started having phone sex with a guy in Texas (pretty much the reason I hate the State--sorry Texans), who was a friend of a friend of a friend (and it went awry? Shocking!). We'll call him 'F' (for The Fucker). He told me I had a sexy voice (not the first or last to say so, so I like my phone voice now) and he was really turned on that I was a virgin (imagine why I don't want to be with those guys now that find that a massive turn on). We hooked up over the phone so much for a month that my cell phone bill was $200. I think my parents nearly shat themselves. Then my friend brought his friend a picture of me. A damned good picture.

And guess what...no calls anymore. I called. I essentially acted like a moron, and about three weeks later he called me. I was too excited to be cautious. We start talking, he wants me to talk dirty to him...and that's when I got a little wary. He'd never asked me to talk dirty to him before. Never cared if I did or not. So, I told him that wasn't how it worked and he's getting all worked up...so I think...and says, "I'm so glad I got to talk to you. 'F' wouldn't let me call you for a long time."

WHAT?! I think I actually woke up my roommates with my scream of anger, frustration, and hurt. And in the background what do I hear, 'F' (apparently I can't tell one Texas accent from another) says, "Who the hell are you talking to?" And whoever-the-hell-was-trying-to-get-me-to-talk-dirty-says, "It's Rae." Response? "Rae? You mean that fat chick?"

And scene.

So, after that lovely interaction, I have a bit of a tough time believing much in myself. I went to a college that was littered with size-two women who walked around in really skimpy outfits. I never had a problem with the girls, but apparently that much naked flesh traipsing through hallways and quads makes guys mean and stupid to those of us who don't look like that. I heard of at least two fraternities, and witnessed one such happening, where the guys had a pool going to figure out who could hook up with the biggest girl. My neighbor won when he hooked up with one of my roommates, who was also in the double-digit sizes, although not so much as me. I nearly threw up when I heard about it, and I was so self-conscious when I went to the frat parties at those houses (even though I got along with my neighbor fairly well, and even some of his frat brothers), that I usually had to leave early.

I don't know, I'm fairly self-confident on a day to day basis, but you get a guy around me who seems to be showing genuine interest and suddenly I am more paranoid than those kids in SuperTroopers who get stopped at the beginning of the movie. I want to know what guys really want.

Okay, therapy session over. It feels kind of nice to have that written down somewhere. That's why I'm a little crazy sometimes. And why I'm wary of a guys intentions. Insecurity rears its ugly head and I just want to hide out for days.

And on that cheery note...night all! :-)

10 Random Facts about Me...

I got this idea from Lady in the Street, who apparently got it from someone named DIAMONDKT. She had 101 Facts listed, but I tend to write long enough entries as it is (and figuring out 101 things about myself is tougher than expected), so I'm just going to start having 10 Random Facts about me on an occasional to semi-regular basis...

1. I seriously love surveys, whether you get them in email or someone fills them out on MySpace I will almost always repost or forward. Not entirely sure if that makes me a narcissist or not.
2. I am ridiculously cynical about guys’ intentions towards me on a regular basis…
3. …this is probably because I’m stupidly insecure sometimes and just don’t quite know how not to be.
4. I am also one of the few people I know that is super romantic and I want my life to end up like a romance novel in some way, shape, or form…2 through 4 seem to have trouble adjusting to each other in my life.
5. I love the smell of puppy** breath. I don’t know why, and most people think it’s gross, but I seriously sigh in contentment when a puppy breathes in my face (**Note: this means a dog under about six months to a year—actual dog breath is disgusting).
6. I have weird toes. My littlest toes piggy-back the one next to them—it’s genetic, but people are constantly telling me to “Put it back!” Sorry people, I can’t. (But I still love my feet).
7. I hate wearing nail polish. Even clear stuff, it just annoys me when it ultimately chips off.
8. I’m obsessed with making sure the little plastic rings are cut up from around six-packs of beverages. Whoever gave a presentation in my elementary school on the ability of those little suckers to get wrapped around bird necks and kill them—you’re advice stuck with me.
9. I have never been in a romantic relationship. Ever. Dates, yes. Never goes beyond that though.
10. I am determined to be an author, and think I have the cojones and skills for it—but shockingly I never started reading my chosen genre (romance) until a little over a year ago. Weird.

So, that's 10 Random Facts about me. More to come at another time.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...

I just watched the movie, Inside Deep Throat, which of course goes inside the film Deep Throat. I seriously was shocked to hear some of the reasoning used by prosecution to say that the film was obscene and should thus be banned by the courts (hence the slight throw up in the mouth--these are the lawyers I don't want to be). Namely, it used the excuse that women were being encouraged to have the wrong kind of orgasm--the clitoral orgasm.

I didn't know there WAS a wrong kind of orgasm!

I know there is a lot of craziness surrounding whether or not Linda Lovelace was forced to be in the movie by her abusive husband. But I have to say, there is still a lot of good that came out of that film and pornography. We all know I hump (no pun intended) for porn, because I love it and think it is worthwhile. But it also opened up a huge, important world of discussion on female sexuality. And that's all good.

Orgasms...

You know, I was just having this random thought this morning while eating breakfast...I always feel like I've lost five pounds after I have an orgasm. I have been feeling frumpy and dumpy this week, because I need a haircut, new contacts, my brows waxed, and I'm menstrual syndroming so I feel like a beached whale and am eating any chocolate in sight. Basically, week from hell.

And now! I'm going to an open house for one of the car dealerships here that I used to work for and has now moved, so I'm seeing Hotty-McHotness (you'll just have to hear about him later) on Thursday and am still in need of all this insane primping. Luckily, it will all be done by tomorrow night.

So, I needed an orgasm last night...and I got myself one. This morning? Looked in the mirror...seriously, the frumpiness was feeling a little less frumpy. I felt five pounds lighter (which is important after eating all that chocolate).

That is so a wonderful reason to teach women about mastrubation. Feeling less frumpy.

No name...

You know, I only just realized that I don't really have an original name for this blog. I mean, it's original because it's mine and I decided on it, but it isn't really that imaginative. Kind of sad, because I tend to be fairly imaginative by nature.

Actually, I think what happened is that I started reading blogs around April, and I got really excited about the prospect of reading and writing in a blog. Then I created one and when it said, "Name of Blog" I went..."Oh shit, they don't just give you a pithy one?" So, it does sort of describe me...I am pretty much always turned on, and I tend to present one side of me more so to people I don't know as well, and a more complete version of me to my best friends.

I like the anonymity of blogging though, because sometimes there are people I know that I just cannot be myself around all the time (as evidenced by the shock and awe that ensued when I bought pornographic/Greek Urn postcards in Greece this summer--my best friends, and their significant others, greatly appreciated them by the way). Mainly these are people at school, who I haven't known for 10 years so they aren't really used to me. It's sort of a big deal (no, I'm not channeling Ron Burgundy here) in the group that I know semi-well at school that I'm writing romance novels, particularly that I'm writing them during class. They find this greatly amusing, and yes a little shocking that I'm doing it during class, but they are generally supportive.

I realized today though, that I could very well get kicked out of school for writing the stuff that I write. I haven't had my computer the last two days of class, so rather than note-taking (okay, I did a little note-taking), I wrote (long-hand sucks) parts of my novel. The shock-value is a little more obvious on paper than on the screen, cause there are ways to make the screen unreadable to those people behind me. Not so on paper. I'm surprised my table-mate didn't look over and fall off her chair in shock.

Yet, I can't really wait for people to read it either. I like the bit of shock and awe, that I can inspire (does this mean I have an exhibitionist streak?).

In other fun news, I found out that I am an endless source of amusement for the group of friends that sit behind me in my Business Associations (short: Biz Ass) class, because I surf the internet like a fiend in class. They actually named me Favorite-Person-to-Sit-Behind-in-a-Class and could list their favorite days when I was looking at things (tops: Halloween stuff, bedroom design, and swanky hotels--telling you, hugely imaginative usually).

And finally, I want to get a tattoo. Not entirely sure what yet. I have a thing for Celtic/Pictish designs (and anything Scottish) and also want to represent the Norske heritage...so I guess we'll see. I either want it on the back of my shoulder, or possibly on my hand. I haven't ever had a tattoo, so I don't know yet.

Okay, I have a headache...again...so I think it's going to be early to bed tonight.

Writing...

I just realized that the last blog was really the equivalent of three...I'm telling you, I'm about the most long-winded person I know. When I get on a story-telling spree, watch out! And I didn't even break it up with a picture...although I don't really do pictures yet, so that's probably why.

Good news for the week (no, sadly not about my laptop): I've been fairly "writy" this week. Yep, know that isn't a word. Yep, I was an English major. Yep, still don't give a damn.

Not only have I been writing on my best-chance-and-actually-finishing-something fairly regularly (helped not having a laptop in class actually--I was just writing on paper, much slower, but I literally couldn't figure out how to take notes in a notebook anymore), as well as having some ingenious moments with another piece that I've been working occasionally on (there are lots).

Only problem? I'm having some problems writing scenes with kissing. Now, this is a bit weird because I have absolutely no problem writing awesome, raunchy sex...kissing, not so much. I've actually started dreaming about kissing people I know, probably my subconscious trying to remind me of what kissing it actually like so I can write about it. It's been awhile. Okay, it's been years really.

Hmm, sometimes I hate the inexperience that goes along with inexperience. I remember trying to poll my friends one night when I was (I should clarify that...when we were) drunk last year, and we ended up trying to poll the bartenders at the bar we were at, as well. Probably not my most brilliant moment, especially since while they could tell me what was good and bad about a kiss (i.e., sloppiness=bad, a little wetness=good, sort of common sense there) they couldn't really describe one either.

Hmm...something to ponder while board in class this week. :-)

My parents just got cooler than me...

So, my parents both work for the same corporation...my dad works at one of the stores, my mom works at the "Home Office" (apparently the owner had a bug up his butt, cause he doesn't like it when people refer to it as "Corporate" and decided he preferred something more like "Home Office"--I think it makes them sound like a three-letter-acronymed government agency, but no one asked me).

Anyway, they both bought Blackberry cell phones in the last couple of months...my mom just last week, my dad last month (or thereabouts). I can't believe my parents just got cooler than me. They are crazy! Emailing and text-messaging from their cell phones, sending and receiving crap all the time.

In the meantime, my computer won't even stay on long enough to backup my damned hard drive completely. Yep, my computer is in yet again for repairs (oh wait, you didn't know about the other times). I've had The Laptop for a year and, about, two weeks. I bought the three year extended warranty and it's the best money I've ever spent. I've had the hard drive replaced twice, and I took it in last week, fairly positive it needed another new hard drive (which would be exciting, because Best Buy has a No Lemon Policy meaning that after three hardware repairs, you get a new computer cause they clearly sold you a crap one). Got it back (two days later than they said I would) with Norton AntiVirus removed because, apparently, that was what was making my computer take five and a half (not exaggerated) minutes to start up...when it should take about a minute, maybe two if I'm feeling generous.

Um, excuse me? No, it wasn't. I am not stupid, did you think I wouldn't notice that it was only running about ten seconds faster? Which is still about ten minutes too slow on the uptake? Don't get me wrong, the Best Buy people are very nice and very helpful (I called their Home Office and they put in a request for the No Lemon Policy without needing to have had another hard drive replaced--unfortunately that takes five to seven business days to process), but I'm getting ready to rip someone a new asshole. It's not my style to yell at customer service people, because I've done customer service and those people were the bane of my existence, but I also don't like getting the run around.

I called, spoke nicely--self-deprecating even--to the guy on the other end and he told me to bring it back in since it was doing the exact same thing it was doing before I brought it in last week. No problem. Bring it in, he looks at some things and says, "I'll get started on this this afternoon and we'll run the actual diagnostics on it this time..." Um, exsqueeze me?! You didn't run diagnostics last weekend? What the hell was it doing there for four days?! I swear my eyes almost popped out of my head. I didn't actually say much of this to him, because it wasn't his fault since he hadn't been there when I was there last weekend and I knew the kid who had worked on it--and he wasn't there this time.

So, I'm on my old desktop computer. I'm going to start calling it Old Faithful, because after a little 250MB upgrade (isn't that, like, nothing?) it runs better than it has in more than a year. It's sure as hell faster than my laptop has been in the last few weeks (and even with the upgrade it still has about half the hard drive space).

Okay, enough of that. That is why I haven't been online posting much. Well, that and I'm into my second year of law school--which doesn't actually make any sense until you start working (a lesson I learned this summer), and I'm sort of half-heartedly trying to find a job through my aunts and uncles that are lawyers (well, just one aunt and one uncle--both by marriage, my blood relatives have a propensity for med school...which just doesn't help me, because I go a little weak at the sight of other people's blood). I really like my classes though. Well, I like my teachers (all but one who sort of freaks me out, she's not very personable). And I like being back with my friends, and seeing the resident Professor Heartthrob (whom I will be writing a completely fictitious account of he and my friend SS's forbidden love--we're fairly sure that the whole school knows about this crush). I have seen women brought into the realm of blushing, giggling schoolgirls whenever he speaks to them. One of my friends put it best after we ran into him in the hall the other day and he left us flustered, "'I carried a watermelon?!'" (this is from Dirty Dancing, when Baby tells that to Johnny after first seeing him at the forbidden, employee dance hall an can't believe she said something so inane--this is the exact effect that Professor Heartthrob has on the women of the school).

Okay, again off track. I wanted to, if I may, talk about my new favorite author. Janet Evanovich. Yes, yes I have been living under a rock for the past...um, eight or nine years I guess, and I had never read any of the Stephanie Plum-Bounty Hunter novels that Ms. Evanovich has put out. Oddly, I have read all of her re-released romance novellas, her Full Series, and her Barney duo. I. Am. In. Love. With. Ranger. And. Morelli. Equally. Frankly, if this was a romantica series, she would end up in bed with both Morelli and Ranger (if you don't know who I'm talking about, please go read these novels--they are in the suspense/mystery section, so they aren't romance even though they have bits and pieces of romantic/sexy scenarios) sandwiched in between them. I thought of this scenario the other day since Stephanie is in the middle of a hot-man conundrum (a conundrum I would gladly switch places with her on), and frankly got a little...moist. It would pretty much be my ideal scenario.

I think what I love so much about the novels is that I'm fairly sure that that is exactly how I would be in her situation. I'm sure that's why she is so appealing, because most people feel like that. I, however, would probably not be quite as lucky as she is, and I would definitely be carefully to not blow up a shitload of cars like she has, but I feel like our lives would definitely be similar...if I were a bounty hunter. Thankfully, I am not yet a victim of circumstance and do not need to find out if any of my cousins a) own bail bond agencies and b) sleep with barnyard animals/fall in love with ducks. But I love Stephanie Plum and her conundrums. I'm on Book 7, out of 12 paperbacks (Lean Mean Thirteen just came out in hardcover), and I'm getting a little panicky that I am reading them too fast, because I'm going to have to stop at number 12, I can't afford hardcovers right now. But, I. Can't. Stop. I must know what happens.

I hope Janet Evanovich writes forty of these, because I will so read every one.

In other, random, news, the keyboard on my desktop is annoyingly louder than my laptop. I'm getting a headache from the clicking. This is what it sounds like when the entire room starts typing something we think is important in class at law school. Eighty laptops or one desktop. Which is louder? I feel like that could be on MythBusters. It would be a dull episode, but I kind of want to know all the same.